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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the reason for increase the levels of pollution are the development of industry and air travel.

#reason #levels #pollution #development #industry #air #travel
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In the modern era, the levels of
pollution
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 increased significantly because of the expansion of
industry
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 and air travel. The issue is an unavoidable consequence of the
industrial revolution
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Industrial Revolution
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 era.
To begin
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 with,
pollution
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 has risen in a place that has experienced growth in
technology
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.
For instance
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, the chemicals used by
industry
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 increased the levels of
pollution
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 and
also
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 made a dangerous impact in Europe. In the 18th century, Europe's health was threatened by
pollution
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,
while
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 the economy of Europe increased rapidly. Looking at more examples, the data in 2020 show aviation emissions were 70% higher than in 2005.
Although
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 important to innovate
technology
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, the innovation should be environmentally friendly to reduce the amount of
pollution
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.
For example
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, the green
industry
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 reduces the number of
pollution
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 because
this
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industry
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 prioritises sustainability and environmentally responsible processes. Nowadays, there are some countries that are consider to develop
technology
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 which is environmentally friendly and has low levels of
pollution
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.
For instance
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, some of the developed countries have developed vehicles with biodegradable materials. In conclusion, the causes of
this
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 case because the expansion of
technology
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. So, it is important to innovate
technology
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 with environmentally friendly to decrease
pollution
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.
Submitted by azizahqonitas on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion which directly address the topic. However, to improve the logical structure of your essay, consider organizing your ideas more effectively by using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. Transition words and phrases should be used to lead the reader through your arguments in a logical manner, ensuring that paragraphs and sentences are well-connected.
Task Achievement
You have partially achieved the task by addressing the causes of pollution related to industry and air travel. However, to improve your score further, it would be beneficial to explore the topic more deeply. This includes fully developing your ideas with more detailed explanations and a wider range of relevant examples. Additionally, ensure that your response remains focused on the questions asked and covers all aspects of the task.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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