IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#aim #science #people #lives
It is highly argued that
significant
Correct article usage
the significant
show examples
 role of
science
 should have to upgrade
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
life
 I agree with
this
 notion . As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Science
 has made a lot of progress . Thanks to the
science
 and technology which have made our lives more easier and comfortable .On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand , our
life
 has been improving
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various ways as compared to
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
due to
 scientific developments .In the past , the
life
 expectancy was around 50_60 years.The major reason was lack of medical assistance Nowadays,days of
life
 have remarkably increased to 100 years . People can fight with diverse diseases like heart failure ,
dimensia
Correct your spelling
dementia
 and depression by taking advanced pills and medicines.
For example
 ,during the
panedemic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
 of covid -
19
Correct article usage
the 19
show examples
 disaster , society
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tackled
this
 disease
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 vaccines made by
Science
 . People had protected themselves very easily .
On the other hand
 ,
Science
 has proved a wonderful blessing for humans ! Today ,we can save our environment from pollution . The innovation of solar
pannels
Correct your spelling
panels
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 dramatically decreased not only harmful air pollution but
also
save's
Change noun form
save
show examples
 energy by using solar power .
Besides
this
 ,
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of countries has rise as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to past decades . To illustrate
this
 statement . enormous factories and companies making progress day by day by using various scientific strategies and technologies. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 central aim of
science
 should be the betterment of human
life
.
Therefore
 , it should advance health , promote
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
sustainbility
Correct your spelling
sustainability
 and work for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality of
life
.
Submitted by rauftahir26 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly states your position regarding the statement and avoid agreeing with a notion without elaboration.
task achievement
Develop your main points with clear, specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear, logical paragraphs, each one focusing on a separate aspect of the topic. Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across sentences.
coherence cohesion
Write a conclusion that summarizes the main points of your essay and restates your opinion. Avoid introducing new information or ideas in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: