IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Men and women can never share the same responsibilities at home and in everyday life. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

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I believe that in a fair and equal
society
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
, can share all the same responsibilities at
homeas
Correct your spelling
home as
 well as in everyday life. In a modern
Use synonyms
society
Add a comma
society,
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 there are no tasks, that would preclude any human being from being able to perform them fully and to
also
Linking Words
 gain expertise in relation to the task. The idea that roles are gender specific
are
Change the verb form
is
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 an archaic, and
out of date
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out-of-date
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 one which has no viability in the modern era.
The
Correct article usage
Society
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society
Use synonyms
 does need to be fair as the only biological difference between
men
Use synonyms
 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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, is that
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 are capable of more than
men
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, in that
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 are the only ones that can give birth to the future generations that all of us rely on. Since
women
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 are capable of more than
men
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, and all life depends on
women
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, they should be assisted when needed during
this
Linking Words
 time, by way of either maternity leave, universal
health-care
Correct your spelling
health care
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, the right to choose and so on. We no longer live in a
hunter gather
Correct your spelling
hunter-gatherer
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society
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, or need physical strength in order to function in our regular
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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 lives.
Although
Linking Words
 some
men
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 may be naturally larger or stronger than some
women
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, physical strength no longer dictates how a person lives or if that person can live safely, and productively in a
society
Use synonyms
. As a
man
Add a comma
man,
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 I have never needed to rely on my strength for any task, and as a
Use synonyms
society
Add a comma
society,
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 we have developed tools, machines and an economy that have eliminated the need for any physical exertion on
anyones
Change to a genitive case
anyone's
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 part in order to thrive. No longer does anyone need to grow or kill their own food, we all get it from the same local supermarkets. Stereotypical and
misyoginistic
Correct your spelling
misogynistic
 ideas
such
Linking Words
 as
this
Linking Words
 one are rooted in the past and are now thankfully out of date. The only thing that perpetuates these ideas are
men
Use synonyms
 that do not want to live in a fair and equal
society
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 and fear what their place would be
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if
women
Use synonyms
 were treated equitably. They boost their own
self worth
Add a hyphen
self-worth
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 by pushing down others.

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task achievement
Consider providing clearer examples to support your main points, as this would enhance the development of your ideas and make your argument more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for minor grammatical and typographical errors to improve overall clarity and professionalism.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion to better frame your argument and reflect the main points clearly, ensuring they connect seamlessly to the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and effectively argues for gender equality, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and includes relevant statements that contribute to your argument, showing creative thought and insight.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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