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Writing Samples /
Band 5

The most important aim of science ought to be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
It is thought by some that
science
 exists only because of
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
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 of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. I am
Change preposition
of an
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
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 opinion that the question of
science
 is more complicated,
therefore
this
 discipline definitely emerged because of a human being willing to enhance their existence, but since that moment
science
became as
Verb problem
has
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 well the best
way
 to tackle the issue of
human’s
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human
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 damaging inventions. It is commonly known that every subject we can see either in our apartment or city, which is made by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 more or less is the product of scientific research.
Moreover
, looking at all
this
staff
Correct your spelling
stuff
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 becomes clear that most
of
Change preposition
apply
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things
Add an article
the things
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 are made for people’s comfort, pleasure, safety and everything that makes their life easier.
For example
, tables and chairs give people
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
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 of comfort, laptops and TVs entertain, door locks make them feel safe
an
Correct your spelling
and
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 so on. Another point to consider is that inventing inevitably
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 some damage to the environment
thus
 everything that
have
Change the verb form
has
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 been damaged should be healed by
science
. In other
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 the environment may completely collapse and human beings may extinct as well.
For example
, everyone knows that humanity nowadays demands new sources of energy, and wind power might be a good choice. Scientists found
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
way
 to extract energy using wind turbines, but the problem of disposal turbines is
an
Rephrase
still an
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 issue
yet
Rephrase
apply
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.
Therefore
, as long
people
Correct word choice
as people
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 have new needs
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
new issues would occur. In conclusion,
science
 is obviously mostly an instrument for people’s advantage
as well as
 the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
way
 to prevent
complete
Correct article usage
the complete
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destroying
Replace the word
destruction
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 of the environment that was caused by the same
science
.
Submitted by tihinaro on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Aim for a more direct thesis statement in your introduction and a stronger summarizing conclusion that echoes your main points.
cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively, and make sure paragraphs begin with a clear topic sentence.
support
Develop your main points with more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments. Examples should be detailed and clearly linked to the main idea of the paragraph.
task response
Address the task question throughout the essay, and ensure that you directly answer the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
grammar
Check for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better readability and to avoid awkward phrasing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
What to do next:
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