IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

A study shows that women may need more care than men. To what extent do you agree with it?

#study #women #care #men
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The question of whether
women
 need more care than
men
 has become an integral part of the rising debate in the present world.
While
 proponents of the argument are in favour,
however
, the opponents are completely against the relevance of more
importance
 of
women
 than
men
. In my opinion, more
importance
 of
women
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
men
 has more positive impacts than negative around the globe. To commence with, there are a lot of arguments in favour of my belief. The most prominent one is that
women
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to go through
child birth
Correct your spelling
childbirth
show examples
 process.
According to
 the research conducted by Western Sydney
Universtity
Correct your spelling
University
,
women
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 weak
duing pregency
Correct your spelling
during pregnancy
.
Secondly
,
women
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 through special days every month.
On the other hand
, critics may point out that one of the most significant disadvantages is that
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
men
 are not getting enough pay because of more
importance
 of
women
 than
men
. A
survay
Correct your spelling
survey
 conducted by the United States reveals that in many countries
men
 have lost their jobs because of more
importance
 of
women
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
men
.
To conclude
, even when there are a lot of demerits associated with
extra
Correct article usage
the extra
show examples
 care of
women
, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and extra care of
women
 has become a crucial part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Therefore
, efficient use of the
importance
 towards
women
 should be promoted and its misuse should be
condumned
Correct your spelling
condemned
.
Submitted by zeshan.bilal on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses the question and offers a clear opinion. Include more detailed and relevant examples to support your points and develop your argument further.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of your essay. Make use of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that contributes to the overall argument of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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