IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many beleive that living in a city offers greater benefits compared to life in countryside? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#beleive #city #life #countryside
Many
people
 argue that living in a
city
gain
Verb problem
gives
show examples
 more benefits rather than
to live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. to explain, a
city
 is the area of business, I can say that it is more busy than the
countryside
. Different from the previous matter,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
countryside
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 area of nature, where it is more peaceful and quiet. I personally support
this
 argument because the
city
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 numerous jobs and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
great accessibility.
Firstly
, having a stable occupation is necessary nowadays. It is hard for
people
 to strive if they do not have active income,
therefore
, living in a
city
 is the best option because it acts as the core of the nation's economy.
Due to
 the fast motion
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the wheels of economy in the area, job offers are always standing.
Thus
,
people
 will be living comfortably by not worrying about losing their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
Secondly
, a
city
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
excellent accessibility.
In contrast
 with
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
, a
city
 has more constructed and
intregrated
Correct your spelling
integrated
 public transportation. Public transportation is very beneficial for citizens,
for example
,
people
 do not have to have a private
vechile
Correct your spelling
vehicle
 to work. By not paying for monthly tax, service, and gas, civilians may keep their
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 responsibly.
To conclude
, I
withstand
Verb problem
stand
show examples
 by the statement
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the
city
 is better to live in rather than the
countryside
. The reasons are mainly
due to
 the
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 number of job offers and the outstanding accessibility.
Submitted by asmaningrum2125 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure the introduction includes a clear thesis statement that reflects your position on the topic. Develop and expand your main ideas into clear, coherent paragraphs, each with a topic sentence and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there are clear connections between ideas and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and details to support your points. Avoid general statements. Use data, facts, or anecdotal evidence to strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!