in the mordern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree with that statement

#mordern #world #people #food #products #animals #medicine

It is an undeniable fact that with the advancement in technology and science, various items are being developed without slaughtering

animals

. It is often argued that in today's world,

animals

are not required to produce

food

or products like medicine and clothing. I firmly agree with the given notion.

To begin

, with the advancement in scientific studies and

food

sciences, scientists have discovered that various types of pulses can provide similar nutrient value in proteins,

vitamins

Correct word choice

and vitamins

show examples

as it is found

from

Change preposition

show examples

animals

Furthermore

, as

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society is

getting

Verb problem

becoming

show examples

more aware

about

Change preposition

show examples

food

sciences, people are shifting towards

vegan

Add an article

a vegan

show examples

diet.

For instance

latest

Correct article usage

the latest

show examples

reports from Bloomberg

states

Correct subject-verb agreement

state

show examples

that 40% of people have shifted to vegan

food

and supplements in

Correct article usage

the UK

show examples

In addition

, 3d printers have reduced the use of animal skins to manufacture luxurious bags and purses. It can manufacture various household usable items

such

hand bags

Correct your spelling

handbags

show examples

trolleys

Correct word choice

and trolleys

show examples

by less damaging the environment.

Moreover

, renowned bag manufacturing company

i.e

Correct your spelling

i.e.

Louis

vitton

Correct your spelling

Vuitton

has

also

started using

such

machines, to aware people and sell items to reduce

environment

Replace the word

environmental

show examples

pollution by less harming

animals

To conclude

, with the advancement in technology and sciences, animal slaughtering has reduced to

lowest

Add an article

the lowest

show examples

level, bringing back the balance in

ecosystem

Add an article

the ecosystem

an ecosystem

show examples

Submitted by dinkarv94 on Fri Feb 02 2024

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task achievement

Ensure your essay maintains focus on all aspects of the prompt throughout, addressing both the use of animals for food and products, such as medicine and clothing. Discuss both sides of the argument if the task requires it to present a well-rounded response.

coherence and cohesion

Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. While the structure is generally good, smoother transitions and clear topic sentences will enhance coherence.

task achievement

Provide specific, relevant examples for all claims made. While the essay contains some examples, each main point could be further supported with more detailed evidence.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

203 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

veganism
vegetarianism
ethical consumption
plant-based
synthetic materials
lab-grown
biotechnology
sustainability
animal welfare
tradition
economic sustainability
alternative medicine
cultural practices

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in the mordern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree with that statement

Word Count

the rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. do the advantages of using social media for communication outwegh the disadvantages?

Some people feel unsafe either staying at home or going out. What are the possible reasons for this? What can be done to address this issue?

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.