IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

in the mordern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree with that statement

#mordern #world #people #food #products #animals #medicine
It is an undeniable fact that with the advancement in technology and science, various items are being developed without slaughtering
animals
. It is often argued that in today's world,
animals
 are not required to produce
food
 or products like medicine and clothing. I firmly agree with the given notion.
To begin
, with the advancement in scientific studies and
food
 sciences, scientists have discovered that various types of pulses can provide similar nutrient value in proteins,
vitamins
Correct word choice
and vitamins
show examples
 as it is found
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
animals
.
Furthermore
, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 more aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
food
 sciences, people are shifting towards
vegan
Add an article
a vegan
show examples
 diet.
For instance
,
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 reports from Bloomberg
states
Correct subject-verb agreement
state
show examples
 that 40% of people have shifted to vegan
food
 and supplements in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
In addition
, 3d printers have reduced the use of animal skins to manufacture luxurious bags and purses. It can manufacture various household usable items
such
 as
hand bags
Correct your spelling
handbags
show examples
,
trolleys
Correct word choice
and trolleys
show examples
 by less damaging the environment.
Moreover
, renowned bag manufacturing company
i.e
Correct your spelling
i.e.
 Louis
vitton
Correct your spelling
Vuitton
 has
also
 started using
such
 machines, to aware people and sell items to reduce
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 pollution by less harming
animals
.
To conclude
, with the advancement in technology and sciences, animal slaughtering has reduced to
lowest
Add an article
the lowest
show examples
 level, bringing back the balance in
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
an ecosystem
show examples
.
Submitted by dinkarv94 on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay maintains focus on all aspects of the prompt throughout, addressing both the use of animals for food and products, such as medicine and clothing. Discuss both sides of the argument if the task requires it to present a well-rounded response.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. While the structure is generally good, smoother transitions and clear topic sentences will enhance coherence.
task achievement
Provide specific, relevant examples for all claims made. While the essay contains some examples, each main point could be further supported with more detailed evidence.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • veganism
  • vegetarianism
  • ethical consumption
  • plant-based
  • synthetic materials
  • lab-grown
  • biotechnology
  • sustainability
  • animal welfare
  • tradition
  • economic sustainability
  • alternative medicine
  • cultural practices
What to do next:
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