Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?
Science
and tehcnology
Correct your spelling
technology
is
the mainstones of modern Change the verb form
are
societies
. They are bitterly important for development and civilization. However
, art
is at least as important as science
and technology.
When it is considered that art
doesn't
contribute civilization
like Change preposition
to civilization
science
and technology, it may be ignored the art
's importance. As in the
modern Correct article usage
apply
societies
people
have been getting more pragmatist, it
may seem that Correct word choice
and it
art
doesn't
support a better society
. But that is
not true. Art
and music are the best ways to evaluate a society
's development and civilization level. There are too many reasons for that: First of all, people
need to have a
leisure time and don'Correct article usage
apply
t
have any anxiety about their basic needs to be able to create works of art
. For instance
, if an artist doesn't
have enough money to maintain his and his family's life he will need to work more and he will not have enough time to create a work of art
. In short, the high interest in art
and music in a
Remove the article
apply
society
shows that this
society
is developed and people
can think about something different from their basic needs. Secondly
, art
leads people
to have a rest and spend their times
with what makes them happy. If Fix the agreement mistake
time
people
have a chance to spend time with
their hobbies, they will be more productive at their Change preposition
on
works
and Fix the agreement mistake
work
also
they will be less stressfull
. Correct your spelling
stressful
Thus
, art
creates a more productive society
.
When the
history has been considered, it can be easily seen that the Correct article usage
apply
societies
which didn't
care the art
and didn't
give it the value that it deserved are generally more likely not to develop. There has
been so many reasons to didn'Change the verb form
have
t
give the
value the Correct article usage
apply
art
, even made it forbidden
throughout Add a missing verb
was forbidden
the
history Correct article usage
apply
due to
the
religious and cultural aspects. But Correct article usage
apply
everytime
the Replace the word
every time
art
was ignored, there was ignorantism and these society's
couldn'Change the noun form
societies
society
t
develop theirselves
.
If we would like to build a modern Correct your spelling
themselves
society
which is developed, modern and liveable we have to care art
as much as we care Change preposition
about art
science
and technology. In my opinion, in Change preposition
about science
the
modern Correct article usage
apply
society
there are too many Add a comma
society,
people
who understand this aspects
of Change the determiner
this aspect
these aspects
the
Correct article usage
apply
art
to develop a society
. Therefore
, the awareness about this
situation has been increasing and it will be better in the future. Governments and societies
should support the
artists and give them the value that they deserve. Correct article usage
apply
Otherwise
, there will no
outcome about to face with an underdeveloped Add a missing verb
be no
society
.Submitted by vincase36 on
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to help the reader follow your argument more easily. This includes transition words, topic sentences, and conjunctions.
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Fully address the prompt by discussing the extent to which you agree or disagree, providing a balanced view if that is your stance, and clarifying why you hold this opinion.
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Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.