IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The most important aim of science is to should be to improve people's life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#aim #science #people #life
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Certain people believe that the prominent
gole
Correct your spelling
goal
 of
science
Use synonyms
 is to upgrade
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
science
Use synonyms
 has two major
role
Change to a plural noun
roles
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 in the medical field and software technologies. The reason behind
this
Linking Words
 view will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the dominant plan of
science
Use synonyms
 in the medical field, provide efficient health care to humanity. In
this
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 modern time, many ways to treat a single disease.
Moreover
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, there are different choices of imaging to diagnose a single disease
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 stages and save a life.
For instance
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, cancer is the only disease
that is
Linking Words
 quite tough to cure and diagnose
Change preposition
at on
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
an
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 early stage, but
science
Use synonyms
 plays an important role
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
 rid of
this
Linking Words
. A recent survey by the WHO declared that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the health care efficiency
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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80
Change preposition
by 80
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% than the previous century
due to
Linking Words
 gradual advancement in
science
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.
Secondly
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, I would like to mention the other leading role of
science
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 in the human lifestyle is software technology.
Although
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
upgrade
Wrong verb form
have upgraded
show examples
individual life in the recent century, software engineering is the most important discovery of
this
Linking Words
 century. There are many
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 to do business, study and entertain by sitting in one place. Many of my friends doing online businesses and online study. Conclusion It is concluded
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 should have an awareness of advancement in
science
Use synonyms
 and solve their
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in
short
Correct article usage
the short
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terms
Fix the agreement mistake
term
show examples
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should be passionate about advancement in
science
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jhonyxxx579 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your view. Your conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new ideas.
Task Response
Expand upon your ideas to clearly explain how science improves lives, providing more specific examples and elaborations.
Coherence
To improve coherence, ensure your essay has logical progression of ideas with clear topic sentences for each paragraph that relate directly back to the main argument.
Cohesion
In terms of cohesion, make better use of cohesive devices to connect sentences and ideas smoothly. This can be achieved by using a variety of transition words and referencing words appropriately.
Grammar
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and proper tense usage. Proofreading your essay to correct grammatical errors will make your writing more professional.
Paraphrasing
Work on paraphrasing the introduction to give a more sophisticated overview of the topic without repeating the prompt verbatim.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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