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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows changes in the proportion of Internet users in three different countries from 1999 to 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The graph shows changes in the proportion of Internet users in three different countries from 1999 to 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#changes #proportion #internet #users #three #countries #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph depicts changes in the proportion of people who are using
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 grouped in three different countries from 1999 to 2009. Generally, the people of Canada had the greatest percentage of
Internet
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other countries. But, the statistic in Mexico shows that they had the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
internet
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
. It can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the statistic for Canadian
internet
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
 from 1999 to 2001 had been
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
increased
show examples
 gradually to 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 it kept growing dramatically to 2003
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
, since
then
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 kept increasing until
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
show examples
 able to
reached
Change the form of the verb
reach
show examples
 100 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of their population.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 they already had a good start, because stood at 1999 they were able to hit 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of the citizens.
Then
Linking Words
, from 2001 to 2005 the statistic increased gradually to 70 per
cent
Use synonyms
. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 there were not any huge changes, because from 2005 to 2009 the
number
Use synonyms
 increased to only 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of their population.
However
Linking Words
, in
Mexico
Add a comma
Mexico,
show examples
it is clear that
Linking Words
 they had the fewest
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Internet
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
. From 1999 to 2001 there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 only a
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
 changes that only hit 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
, the situation changed from 2001 to 2005 because the
number
Use synonyms
 rose
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
,
stood at
Verb problem
from
show examples
 2005 until 2009 the proportion of
Internet
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
 increased gradually
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of their population.
Submitted by bmaharani04 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, users, number, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • users
  • Internet
  • trend
  • fluctuated
  • increased
  • remained stable
  • growth rate
  • sharp increase
  • anomalies
  • economic development
  • government policies
  • technological advancements
  • implications
  • comparisons
  • initial
  • subsequent
  • consistently
  • peaked
  • plateaued
  • significance
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