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Band 5.5

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

#future #cars #buses #trucks #driverless #people #vehicles #passengers
With well-developed technologies in the
21
Correct your spelling
21st
 century, it is not a dream anymore to release driverless vehicles at hand.
Although
 there would be massive advantages to introducing the driver-free system by allowing
people
 to have more spare
time
 for themselves
while
 commuting by their own vehicles, I believe that there would be more demerits with compelling reasons.
To begin
 with, a positive perspective of
this
 can be seen that
people
 will be allowed to have a more enjoyable
time
while
 driving to go to work or their destinations for reading books, watching videos, studying, or even sleeping. As drivers should focus on driving to minimise possible risks on the road
while
 driving, individuals might not have
such
Correct your spelling
much
show examples
 extra
time
 for themselves.
However
, when
this
 technology is fully developed,
people
 will be able to spend their
time
 filling their needs resting in their own car on their way to places they need to go
while
 feeling comfortable.
Therefore
,
this
 can be one of the advancements of the new skill.
Nonetheless
, there are
also
 significant points that should not be marginalised as backwards.
This
 comes from the fact that technology cannot be completely perfect. When it comes to driverless cars, members of society are dependent on vehicles. To be more specific, if its system malfunctions, there are great risks to
people
's lives as car accidents usually
led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to fetal dangers
such
 as severe injuries to losing their lives. Based on
this
 viewpoint, its possible dangers should be always considered as an issue which can occur by technology.
To sum up
,
although
 the undeniable positive aspect of the new skills
such
 as allowing the drivers' quality of life is anticipated, I reckon that the imperative demerit which can
occur
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 extreme risks in
people
's lives might outweigh the previous possible positive outcome.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, focus on creating a more logical flow between ideas. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly. Additionally, ensure that paragraphing is clear, with each main idea introduced in its own paragraph.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, make sure to explore both sides of the argument thoroughly. It is necessary to have a balanced discussion before reaching a conclusion. Provide more precise details and specific examples to support your arguments. Also, ensure that the question is fully addressed and that the response stays on topic throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • driverless vehicles
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • increased safety
  • reduced traffic congestion
  • improved efficiency
  • accessibility
  • disabled
  • elderly
  • job displacement
  • privacy concerns
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