IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult such as Sahara desert or antarctica . What are the benefits and disadvantages of people visiting there .

#tourists #places #conditions #sahara #desert #antarctica #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 the
increament
Correct your spelling
number
 of people
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
travelling to unsuall
places
 like
Sahara
Correct article usage
the Sahara
show examples
 desert or
antartica
Correct your spelling
Antarctica
 has been increasing.
This
 essay will
examines
Change the verb form
examine
show examples
 both the advantages and the drawbacks of
this
 trend.
While
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 trends will offer
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 growth for the destination
places
, meanwhile it will
also
 expose the destination
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 environmental risks.
Firstly
, the
benefits
 of
this
 trend will be explored, followed by its
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages. In the regions
such
 as
Sahara
Correct article usage
the Sahara
show examples
 desert or
antartica
Correct your spelling
Antarctica
, the
tourism
 sector is becoming one of the most important
source
Change to a plural noun
sources
show examples
 of income for local people. One of the primary advantages of making the
challanging
Correct your spelling
challenging
places
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
tourism
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 spot is local people will be able to create their own jobs.
For example
, the
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 will need some food to eat, which will lead the locals to make their own
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
.
Moreover
, the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 of
global
Add an article
the global
a global
show examples
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 will
also
 bring awareness to
broader
Add an article
the broader
show examples
 community about the natural ecosystem
such
 as promoting
concervation
Correct your spelling
conservation
.
Despites
Correct your spelling
Despite
show examples
, the
aformentioned
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
benefits
,
tourism
 in extreme
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
 will
also
 bring disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their natural
ecological
Replace the word
ecology
show examples
 and
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
. The fragile ecosystems of
places
 like Antarctica are particularly vulnerable to the disturbances caused by
tourism
. Increased foot traffic and human activity can lead to soil erosion, habitat destruction, and a negative impact on local wildlife.
Additionally
, the carbon footprint associated with travel to these remote destinations contributes to broader environmental concerns, like global warming.
Therefore
,
while
tourism
 brings economic and educational
benefits
, its environmental and cultural costs cannot be overlooked, necessitating a careful and sustainable approach to
such
 activities. All in all,
while
tourism
 in challenging environments like the Sahara Desert and Antarctica brings economic and educational
benefits
, it
also
 poses significant risks to fragile ecosystems and local cultures. The need for sustainable
tourism
 practices is paramount to balance these
benefits
 with environmental and cultural preservation. It is crucial to ensure that the exploitation of these unique destinations does not outweigh their protection, allowing future generations to appreciate their natural and cultural value.
Submitted by gestienanovitasari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Develop the introduction further by giving more background on why the trend of visiting places with difficult conditions is increasing. Include a thesis statement that clearly states the benefits and disadvantages you will discuss.
Task Response
Substantiate your main points with more specific examples and data wherever possible to strengthen your argument and increase the task achievement score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear logical structure by organizing ideas into well-developed paragraphs, and using transition words to connect them.
Task Response
Enhance your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay more succinctly and reinforcing the implications of the trend mentioned.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ecotourism
  • sustainable travel
  • indigenous
  • remote
  • ecosystem
  • preservation
  • exploitation
  • consumerism
  • authentic experience
  • footprint
  • habitats
  • infrastructure
  • biodiversity
  • carbon offset
  • endangered species
What to do next:
Look at other essays: