IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Employees
Use synonyms
 are the blood of every organisation.
Whereas
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 some people think that
youth
Use synonyms
 brings more
profits
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enterprises, others say that senior citizens bring more revenues.
This
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 essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the former opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand, younger
workers
Use synonyms
 bring enormous
profits
Use synonyms
 to an organisation because they are more
energtic
Correct your spelling
energetic
, so they can do any
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 at any time even over time.
Similarly
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, young blood people have more knowledge about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new technology and
machines
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, they know very well how to operate new
machines
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.
For example
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, automobile
companies
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 are loaded with young
employees
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 because they work speedily in order to the
companies
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 earn more
profits
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. Needless to say,
youth
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workers
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 can take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 if any problems arise
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
machines
Use synonyms
while
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 they can
handle
Correct pronoun usage
handle them
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.
Hence
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, young blood individuals bring more gains to enterprises.
On the other hand
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, senior people generate more
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
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to
Change preposition
for
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companies
Use synonyms
 through their constructive experiences.
This
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 means they have more years of working experience, so they can handle any hectic situations in working time.
For instance
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, older
workers
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 provide service training to new
employees
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with
Change preposition
on
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 how to behave in discipline and operate
machines
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.
Likewise
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, senior
employees
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 have little knowledge of new technology, so they can work as much as young
workers
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 do. Hereby, elder
employees
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 generate more revenues
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
companies
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.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
youth
Correct your spelling
young
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employees
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
are
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 more knowledgeable about new technology,
Correct word choice
and hard
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hard
Correct your spelling
are
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 worker so they can bring massive
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of earnings to organisations, elder
workers
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 have plenty of experience and know very well how to do jobs so they bring
more
Change preposition
in more
show examples
profits
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.
However
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, in my opinion,
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
, I strongly agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
youth
Use synonyms
 bring more
profits
Use synonyms
 to
an organisations
Correct the article-noun agreement
an organisation
organisations
show examples
.

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task response
Ensure you provide clear topic sentences for each paragraph to establish the main point. Avoid overly general statements and focus on developing specific ideas related to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Make better use of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together clearly. This will enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
task response
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments, ensuring these illustrations are directly related to the profits brought to companies by different age groups of employees.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and engage the reader more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and ensure correct usage of tenses and articles. This will contribute to the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.
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