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Band 4

it is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents , for instance for sport or music and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sport person or musician. Discuss both these views and give opinion.

#people #talents #sport #music #child #person #musician
There are majority of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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think that
people
 who are talented can gain successful hills more than
people
 who
have
Verb problem
are
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 not
while
 others believe that any person can obtain even more success than talented humans
of
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 they do their best. The current essay will elaborate aforementioned notions and
sigfest
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Sigfest
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 second view. Talented
people
 have had more
of
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apply
show examples
percentage
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the percentage
a percentage
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 of luck in
comparation
Correct your spelling
comparison
 to others who
without
Add a missing verb
are without
show examples
 talent in results. In difficult cases, ordinary men might lag behind because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge or physical strength,
however
, individuals who have a tendency to do any job could figure out some outlets in difficulties easily.
For instance
,
people
 all over the world recognized Leonel Messi as
a
Correct article usage
the
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 King of football in the world because
of
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apply
show examples
he is gifted to be
football
Correct article usage
a football
show examples
 player and worked out on his gift,
also
. In my opinion, when any child grows up he can be
at
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apply
show examples
the same
with
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as
show examples
 talented
people
 even more them only
by
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through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
continuous hard work and practice. If as a child grows up their parents support him continuously and encourage
to
Correct pronoun usage
him to
show examples
 keep his certain hobby
such
 as music, more developed by trying to show their baby various options and different areas of play
this
 will happen to famous
as
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apply
show examples
a talented
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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at the end
.
For example
, when Justin was a child his mother and he used to live
at
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on
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streets
Correct article usage
the streets
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, but one day, his mother sold her
jewelries
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jewelry
pieces of jewelry
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 in order to buy a phone when she felt her son's
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
to become
Change preposition
in becoming
show examples
 a singer and made him Justin Bieber through posting her son's videos on social media. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up,
this
 essay strongly
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 that
people
 can learn certain talents and become expert in it
while
 others believe that individuals have innate talents since they were born.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Task Achievement
Your introduction briefly introduces the topic, but it needs to more clearly state the two views and your own opinion to guide the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas follow logically from one to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support main points with clear explanations or reasons and more specific examples to demonstrate your understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve clarity, focus on sentence structure and vary your sentence beginnings; avoid repetitive structures.
Task Achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the question. Discuss both views fully and give your opinion throughout the essay, not only in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use vocabulary that accurately conveys your ideas and try to use a range of vocabulary to demonstrate language flexibility.
Coherence & Cohesion
Always proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve overall readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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