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Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of three jam types in an Asian country from 1981-2007.

The graph below shows the consumption of three jam types in an Asian country from 1981-2007.
#consumption #three #jam #asian #country
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The line graph depicts the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of different
jam
Use synonyms
 kinds from 1981 until 2007 in an Asian country.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the beginning,
butter
Use synonyms
jam
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 was really popular but ended
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with
low fat
Add a hyphen
low-fat
show examples
 and reduced spreads
were
Correct pronoun usage
that were
show examples
 really famous.
Margarine
Use synonyms
 and
butter
Use synonyms
 had a downward trend
while
Linking Words
 low fat had a
fluctuate
Change the verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 trend. Looking in more detail,
started
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in 1981, many people
had eaten
Wrong verb form
ate
show examples
butter
Use synonyms
jam
Use synonyms
 and it experienced a slight
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 from 140
grams
Use synonyms
 to 160
grams
Use synonyms
 of
butter
Use synonyms
's
consumption
Use synonyms
 in 1986 before it went down significantly to 50
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2007. The second
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
 was
margarine
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. There was just under 100
grams
Use synonyms
 of
margarine
Use synonyms
's usage in 1981.
Then
Linking Words
, it faced a slow
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 to 80
grams
Use synonyms
 during 5 years and back again to 100
grams
Use synonyms
 and remained the same for 5 years before it dropped substantially to 40
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2007.
Hence
Linking Words
,
margarine
Use synonyms
 was
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the lowest
consumption
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 of
jam
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the unpopular of
jam
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 were low fat and reduced spreads. They started known to the
asian
Change the capitalization
Asian
show examples
 people in 1996 at around 10
grams
Use synonyms
 usage.
Then
Linking Words
 it went up dramatically to 80
grams
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 surpassing the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
butter
Use synonyms
 over 5 years. After that, it ended up a slow decline
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 50
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2007.
Submitted by Dedeways244 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, jam, butter, margarine, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slow" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • pattern
  • popularity
  • significant
  • steady increase/decrease
  • peak
  • trough
  • outstrip
  • surpass
  • dip
  • sales
  • culinary preferences
  • market share
  • per capita
  • demographics
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