IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst profesionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or a college lecture.

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst profesionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or a college lecture.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two charts illustrate eight variety of professional occupations. The pie chart displays the
stress
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 in each
occupation
Use synonyms
 in percentage. The bar chart shows each
occupation
Use synonyms
's working
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the job businessmen have the highest proportion of work in a
week
Use synonyms
 with an average of 70
hours
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
there are movie directors with an average 10-hour working
hours
Use synonyms
 difference. It was followed closely by doctors with less than 60% average working
hours
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the
stress
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 of people in
this
Linking Words
 industry is small with approximately 11%, 18%, and 15% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, three other groups,
such
Linking Words
 as writers, programmers, and lawyers are in the middle with an average working
hours
Use synonyms
 ranging from over 40
hours
Use synonyms
 to below 40
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, each
occupation
Use synonyms
's
stress
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 is the lowest with an average of 7%.
Finally
Linking Words
, at the bottom, there are chefs and lecturers with 30% and below 30%
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 each.
While
Linking Words
 the working
hours
Use synonyms
 of lecturers are the lowest the
stress
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
occupation
Use synonyms
 unexpectedly the highest with up to 25% of people experiencing it.
Overall
Linking Words
, there is no correlation between the working
hours
Use synonyms
 and the
stress
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 of each job.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words stress, level, occupation, hours, week with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: