IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The graph shows the proportion of population aged 65 and over in major developed countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graph shows the proportion of population aged 65 and over in major developed countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#proportion #population #countries #information #features #comparisons #minutes
The graphs
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 aged 65 and over in several developed countries, which
divided
Add a missing verb
are divided
show examples
 into three countries in total.
Overall
,
Japan
's number of society has risen sharply for over a century, followed by
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and Sweden which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
 experienced a decent increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
population
. Looking at the details,
Japan
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the lowest number of its people aged 65 in 1940 which was only 5%, and
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
fell
Change the verb form
to fall
show examples
 slightly in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1960 to 1980 at 3%.
However
,
Japan
's
population
 slowly climbed in 2000 and
expected
Add a missing verb
is expected
show examples
 to
rose
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
 rapidly at 27% until 2040.
On the other hand
, Sweden's old people number reached approximately 8% in 1940 and shot up to 20% in the 2000s, it is
also
 expected to increase
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 25% or higher in the future.
However
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the least country
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 its oldest people
begin
Wrong verb form
beginning
show examples
 at 10% in 1940 and leapt steadily to around 25% in 1990 and intended to approach around 20%
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the next couple of years.
To sum up
, each country
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
showed
Change the verb form
shown
show examples
 a consistent increase
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
population
 aged 65 and over,
however
,
Japan
 still
lead as
Verb problem
has
show examples
 the largest
population
 compared to Sweden and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
Submitted by naurah.ar31 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, japan with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proportion
  • Aged population
  • Developed countries
  • Trends
  • Demographics
  • Percentage points
  • Elderly dependency ratio
  • Comparative analysis
  • Statistical data
  • Population aging
  • Societal impact
  • Policy implications
  • Age demographics
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Data interpretation
  • Forecast
  • Longevity
  • Birth rate
  • Life expectancy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: