IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #sports #entertainment #personalities
Currently
Add a comma
Currently,
show examples
 individuals believe that
professions
 like nurses, doctors and teachers are not adequately appreciated and should receive higher compensation
than
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, particularly when compared to the salaries earned by people
such
 as film actors and bosses, whose contributions may be deemed less essential in relation to their earnings. Personally, I tend to think that certain
professions
, like nursing, medicine,
teaching
Correct word choice
and teaching
show examples
 are undervalued and should be compensated more fairly.
Firstly
, it is well known that not every actor receives substantial remuneration for their work, as many make sacrifices for their craft.
Moreover
, the relatively short careers of most actors,
in contrast
 to
professions
 like doctors and nurses, mean that their earnings were spread across their entire working years. A good case in point is at any given moment in the UK, approximately 80% of actors find themselves without employment.
On the other hand
, it can
also
 be argued that Nursing, medicine, and teaching are fundamental pillars supporting the well-being and education of the community. The critical impact of healthcare professionals and educators on individuals and society as a whole underscores the significance of their work. Despite the undeniable importance of these roles, the disparity in compensation persists, prompting a growing demand for a reevaluation of remuneration structures to align with the profound impact these
professions
 have on our collective welfare. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that considering all aspects discussed,
professions
, particularly nursing, medicine, and teaching, are undervalued. The combination of their societal importance, the dedication required, and the essential services they provide underscores the need for a more equitable compensation structure.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction to outline your position on the topic.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more specific examples to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make use of a variety of cohesive devices to smoothly connect ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Try to develop a more balanced argument by discussing the other side of the question in more depth.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising sentence structures to avoid repetition and create a more sophisticated linguistic style.
coherence cohesion
Conclude the essay by summarizing the main points and reiterating your position in a clear manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: