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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the number of native speakers of different languages in Canada in 1996, 2006, and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the number of native speakers of different languages in Canada in 1996, 2006, and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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the pie chart
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the different
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
 of languages
which were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spoken by native speakers of
canadian
Change the capitalization
Canadian
show examples
 nationals over
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different year of
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 in 1996 2006 and 2016 after the analysis, it is clearly stated that in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1980
Add a comma
1980,
show examples
 the major
language
Use synonyms
 spoken by
bakersfield college
Correct your spelling
Bakersfield College
show examples
 seniors
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 which comprised
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
70%
then
Linking Words
 after a decade a decrease of 15% was seen in practising
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 which reduced it to 55%
in contrast
Linking Words
, other languages spoken by seniors of
bakersfield
Change the capitalization
Bakersfield
show examples
 remained the same with the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
promotion
 maintaining the same percent throughout the ten years and remained constant
furthermore
Linking Words
, a tiny
Correct your spelling
proportion
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
Change the capitalization
Urdu
show examples
Correct article usage
the urdu
show examples
urdu
Change the capitalization
Urdu
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 has been spoken by these college seniors contributing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15% and
this
Linking Words
 figure rose
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
steadily to 28% after a decade
while
Linking Words
Change the capitalization
Chinese
show examples
Correct article usage
the chinese
show examples
chinese
Change the capitalization
Chinese
show examples
 medium of
language
Use synonyms
 saw
small
Add an article
a small
the small
show examples
 shift in their
language
Use synonyms
 climbing from 9% to 11%
overall
Linking Words
, it is vividly manifested
Correct your spelling
that English
thatenglish
Correct your spelling
that English
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 the top priority
language
Use synonyms
spoen
Correct your spelling
spoken
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college students
while
Linking Words
urdu
Change the capitalization
Urdu
show examples
 remained the second highest in popularity of languages

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 4 times.
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