Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There are two opposite opinions about methods that may help to make people’s
health
better. The first one is including as more
physical activities as Correct quantifier usage
many
it
possible and the second Add a verb
it is
it was
is apply
other techniquesChange the verb form
is applied
is applying
,
because Remove the comma
apply
sport
has minimum effect on Add an article
the sport
health
. From my view
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
point
I agree with the latter statement and explain both aspects in Add a comma
point,
further
paragraphs.
I believe that sport
is one of the major ways of improving public health
, but in fact
it is crucial to pay attention to other methods Add a comma
fact,
such
as proper nutrition, good
sleep. Correct word choice
and good
This
essay will discuss both these views.
To begin
with, sport
has enormous
influence on public Correct article usage
an enormous
health
. Firstly
, it makes individual’s
organism stronger and durable. Correct article usage
an individual’s
Secondly
, it is proved that people who doing
physical activity every day or approximately 2-3 times a week are less exposed to different diseases and feel weakness not very often in comparison to people who neglect various Change the form of the verb
do
sport
facilities. Change the noun form
sports
For example
, scientist
from Oxford University Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
make
Wrong verb form
made
experiment
Add an article
an experiment
the experiment
in
which proved that humans who work out 2-3 times a week are happier than those who do not give meaning to it. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, sport
is a really good opportunity to meet old age without tormenting pains.
If we talk about second
statement, other measures are Change the article
the second
also
helpful in improving public health
. It is considered that proper nutrition and good sleeping
significantly Replace the word
sleep
makes
our Change the verb form
make
health
better. Exemplify, fatty and not natural food considerably destroy people’s organism
. On Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
contrary
, fruits and Correct article usage
the contrary
vegetable
, natural products improve Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
health
. Foremost, good sleeping also
has big
effect on Add an article
a big
Correct article usage
the humans
humans
body, because it restores force, Change the noun form
human
Correct word choice
and give
give
freshness. Change the verb form
gives
Due to
lack of sleep
people’s Add a comma
sleep,
body
may be stressed and Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
in addition
to this
, individuals can get a lot of chronic diseases.
In conclusion, although
increasing the number of sports facilities can lead to maintaining physical fitness, I don't think it's affordable enough to make a significant impact on the community. There are so many other effective and efficient ways to do it.Submitted by sayoraalimjanova09 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should discuss both views and give your own opinion, but you need to integrate your opinion more clearly throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize ideas logically and use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Aim to explore the two views in separate paragraphs for better clarity.
Task Achievement
Support your points with specific examples. The example given from Oxford University is unclear and lacks detail – ensure that any examples are relevant and elaborated upon.
Language Proficiency
Work on your grammar and vocabulary. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay which can be distracting for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should outline the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should summarize your views effectively.