Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There are two opposite opinions about methods that may help to make people’s

health

Use synonyms

better. The first one is including as

Correct quantifier usage

many

show examples

physical activities as

Add a verb

it is

it was

show examples

possible and the second

is apply

Change the verb form

is applied

is applying

show examples

other techniques

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because

Use synonyms

sport

Add an article

the sport

show examples

has minimum effect on

health

Use synonyms

. From my

view

Correct your spelling

viewpoint

show examples

point

Add a comma

point,

show examples

I agree with the latter statement and explain both aspects in

further

Linking Words

paragraphs. I believe that

sport

Use synonyms

is one of the major ways of improving public

health

Use synonyms

, but in

fact

Add a comma

fact,

show examples

it is crucial to pay attention to other methods

such

Linking Words

as proper nutrition,

good

Correct word choice

and good

show examples

sleep.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both these views.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

sport

Use synonyms

has

enormous

Correct article usage

an enormous

show examples

influence on public

health

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, it makes

individual’s

Correct article usage

an individual’s

show examples

organism stronger and durable.

Secondly

Linking Words

, it is proved that people who

doing

Change the form of the verb

show examples

physical activity every day or approximately 2-3 times a week are less exposed to different diseases and feel weakness not very often in comparison to people who neglect various

Use synonyms

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

facilities.

For example

Linking Words

scientist

Fix the agreement mistake

scientists

show examples

from Oxford University

make

Wrong verb form

made

show examples

experiment

Add an article

an experiment

the experiment

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

which proved that humans who work out 2-3 times a week are happier than those who do not give meaning to it.

Moreover

Linking Words

sport

Use synonyms

is a really good opportunity to meet old age without tormenting pains. If we talk about

second

Change the article

the second

show examples

statement, other measures are

also

Linking Words

helpful in improving public

health

Use synonyms

. It is considered that proper nutrition and good

sleeping

Replace the word

sleep

show examples

significantly

makes

Change the verb form

make

show examples

our

health

Use synonyms

better. Exemplify, fatty and not natural food considerably destroy people’s

organism

Fix the agreement mistake

organisms

show examples

. On

contrary

Correct article usage

the contrary

show examples

, fruits and

vegetable

Fix the agreement mistake

vegetables

show examples

, natural products improve

health

Use synonyms

. Foremost, good sleeping

also

Linking Words

has

big

Add an article

a big

show examples

effect on

Correct article usage

the humans

show examples

humans

Change the noun form

human

show examples

body, because it restores force,

Correct word choice

and give

show examples

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

freshness.

Due to

Linking Words

lack of

sleep

Add a comma

sleep,

show examples

people’s

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

may be stressed and

in addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, individuals can get a lot of chronic diseases. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

increasing the number of sports facilities can lead to maintaining physical fitness, I don't think it's affordable enough to make a significant impact on the community. There are so many other effective and efficient ways to do it.

sayoraalimjanova09Sun Feb 04 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should discuss both views and give your own opinion, but you need to integrate your opinion more clearly throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Organize ideas logically and use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Aim to explore the two views in separate paragraphs for better clarity.

Task Achievement

Support your points with specific examples. The example given from Oxford University is unclear and lacks detail – ensure that any examples are relevant and elaborated upon.

Language Proficiency

Work on your grammar and vocabulary. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay which can be distracting for the reader.

Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should outline the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should summarize your views effectively.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

327 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
chronic diseases
preventative care
obesity
physical activity
health initiatives
health education campaigns
social interaction
mental wellbeing
motivation
accessible venues
active lifestyle
quality healthcare
community hubs
multipronged approach

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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

More and more people prefer consuming food imports from foreign countries, instead of domestically produced foodstuff. What are the reasons and solutions?

In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?