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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects.

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Currently, more and more individuals
get
Verb problem
are
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approach
Wrong verb form
approaching
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to
Change preposition
apply
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the expanded function of computers and multiple
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids entertain themselves with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main
problems
Use synonyms
 associated with
this
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 epidemic and propose some possible solutions to avoid them.  
Problems
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 of
this
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 alarming situation vary. In some cases, playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 may lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dependence
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 interest. It means that youngsters face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
loss of concentration, sleep disturbance
as well as
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phycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
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 issues
such
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 as depression and anxiety.
Moreover
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, both children and adults may forget about their real life where they have family, friends, work or study.
For example
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,
Linking Words
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of people lose their ability of
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 building and miss the opportunity
for communicating
Change preposition
to communicate
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 with real people. The second problem is the inactive lifestyle, which in the future will be the reason for obesity and various spine disorders. What’s more, a lot of studies
shown
Add a missing verb
have shown
show examples
 that
so-callled
Correct your spelling
so-called
 «seating disease» often results in posture and backbone
problems
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. To exemplify, 80% of
computer
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 gamers experience backache at least once a
weak
Correct your spelling
week
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.   I consider, that the best solution to these
problems
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 is to control the time kids spend on
computer
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games
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.
Furthermore
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, parents and teachers should establish articulate terms of use
during
Change preposition
while
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 playing
games
Use synonyms
Linking Words
likewise
Correct word choice
and likewise
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 encourage little ones to participate in different social events, sports,
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
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 or other activities in order to be able to build relationships with human beings
as well as
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 develop in various
sphere
Fix the agreement mistake
spheres
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 of life.
For instance
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, attend activities like football, tennis,
languages
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language
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 courses, swimming or dancing.  
To sum up
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,
growing
Add an article
the growing
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 popularity of
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 a lot of mental and physical
problems
Use synonyms
, including dependence and backache. The most effective solutions are time control and
active
Correct article usage
an active
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 lifestyle.

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introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
conclusion
Remember to provide a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your position.
paragraph structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each containing a single main idea with relevant supporting sentences.
cohesive devices
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
task response
Address all parts of the task and ensure that you answer the question fully. Cover both the negative impacts of playing computer games and the solutions to minimize them.
specific examples
Provide specific examples to support your main points to strengthen your arguments.
grammar spelling
Check for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that can distract from the quality of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • inappropriate content
  • social skills
  • isolation
  • academic performance
  • time limits
  • parental supervision
  • age-appropriate
  • physical activities
  • digital literacy
  • balanced computer usage
  • excessive gaming
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