IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many men and women are making the decision to have children later in life. Why is this trend occurring? What are the impacts of this development on both family and society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#men #women #decision #children #life #trend #impacts #development #society
This
Change preposition
In this
show examples
 period, having children becomes a thing which is considered later by numerous people.
This
 essay will explore the relative reasons that result in
this
 trend and describe how it affects the advancement of family and society. There are several reasons why many people have to make a decision about other necessary things before having children. First of all, despite increasing the salary rate of individuals every year, the cost of living is still growing as well.
For example
, if couples decide to have kids for the first time, several fixed costs
such
 as academic tuition, accommodation and food costs which are rising every year and must be prepared for new members of their family should be considered. It is difficult to manage their money in every spend to be efficient for each person recently,
therefore
, they tend to prioritize what is the most important thing. Another reason
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the later decision
about having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
 children is
desire
Add an article
a desire
the desire
show examples
 to maintain their
freedom-life
Correct your spelling
freedom
show examples
.To illustrate, if I choose to have my own kids, I will have to manage and separate my time to take care of them
instead
 of doing my personal errands
such
 as
play
Replace the word
playing
show examples
 sports,
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 a movie or window shopping.
As a result
, in my opinion, I am more likely to keep my spare time for entertaining or improving myself rather than being a parent.
According to
 the previous,
this
 situation influences a reduction in newborn rate
due to
 the decision of those people affecting family and society which are becoming an elderly society.
Submitted by krist_ar03 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction with a thesis statement, fully developed body paragraphs, and a conclusive ending summarizing your main points. Avoid presenting new ideas in the conclusion.
coherence
Work on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately.
development
Expand and support your main points with specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments. Avoid general statements without concrete support.
task response
Fully address all parts of the task by discussing not only the reasons for the trend but also the impacts on family and society. Your response should also include a full explanation of the impacts, which was not sufficiently developed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: