IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Fast food is a part of life in many places. Some people think this has bad effects on lifestyle and diet. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #part #life #places #people #effects #lifestyle #diet
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Nowadays, fast
food
Use synonyms
 is so popular that it has become an integral part of our lives.
Although
Linking Words
 it provides much convenience to busy individuals, it is contended by many that fast
food
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 contributes to poor
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 and unhealthy eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
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. I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as the prevalence of fast
food
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 discourages
home
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 cooking and leads to
rising
Add an article
the rising
a rising
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 rate of obesity.
Firstly
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, the widespread presence of fast
food
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 has changed our lifestyles in many ways, one of which is the dramatic decrease
of
Change preposition
in
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 domestic cooking
time
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. Since the
emerge
Replace the word
emergence
show examples
 of fast
food
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 chain restaurants, people are
increasing
Change the word
increasingly
show examples
 buying fast
food
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 meals to avoid the hassle of cooking. Forgoing cooking at
home
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 results in
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
the reduction
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 of family
time
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 and weaker family bonding.
For instance
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, in New Delhi, almost half of the families would rather
eating
Change the verb form
eat
be eating
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 out in fast
food
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 chains during rest days than
having
Wrong verb form
have their
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 own traditional cuisines at
home
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.
However
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, they found that little
time
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 was spent on family
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
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 as they could finish the fast
food
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 meals quickly.
Secondly
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, fast
food
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 has contributed to the rising obesity rate. Fast
food
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 is often served in excessively large
portion
Fix the agreement mistake
portions
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 that entices people
overeating
Change the verb form
to overeat
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 and
gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
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 weight.
In addition
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, it is high in calories, sugar, saturated fat and sodium and lacks essential nutrients required for a balanced diet. Research findings revealed that children
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
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 to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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fast
food
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 diets have
50
Correct article usage
a 50
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% higher chance of
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
 than those
eat
Correct pronoun usage
who eat
show examples
 at
home
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the swift serving
time
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 of fast
food
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 has encouraged busy workers to spend even more
time
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on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work, which may lead to
Linking Words
further
Add an article
a further
show examples
 reduction in physical activity.
To conclude
Linking Words
, though fast
food
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 provides much convenience to urban dwellers, the poor lifestyle and diets that it contributes should not be overlooked.
Submitted by candylaw on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to create a strong logical structure within your essay, by presenting ideas in a clear, well-planned sequence.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and a conclusion to frame your essay, which you have done well. Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear, detailed reasons, examples, or evidence. Try to expand upon the examples with more detail or illustrate your points with more specific evidence, statistics, or studies.
task achievement
Ensure that you have fully responded to the task. Make sure your position is clear throughout the essay. Consider covering all aspects of the prompt, including why some people might not believe fast food has negative effects.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and develop them comprehensively. While your essay has clear ideas, further development could improve task response.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. While you have included some examples, they could be more specific and detailed to strengthen your position.
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