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Band 5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree wit this statement?

#people #choices #wit
In today's world,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of people
thinks
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think
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 that we have got too many options to choose from.The technology and internet make
a vast but not useful
Correct the article-noun agreement
a vast but not useful choice
vast but not useful choices
show examples
choices
 for us.
This
 essay will express my disagreement with
this
 idea,
claim
Wrong verb form
claiming
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 that the many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
choices
 nowadays
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
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 more advantages than disadvantages.
To begin
, having lots of
choices
 means we can pick what
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is best for us.
For instance
, when it comes to shopping, having a range of products allows people to find items that
matches
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match
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 their individual preferences and financial situations.
This
 variety gives individuals a sense of control, enabling them to make decisions that
aligns
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align
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 with their unique needs.
Furthermore
, a wide range of
choices
 promotes health competition among businesses, which usually benefits us, the consumers. In a market filled with options, companies
works
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work
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 hard to improve their products and services to attract buyers.
This
 competition not only
boost
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boosts
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 the
overall
 quality of what's available but often leads to more good prices.
Thus
, the plenty of
choices
 helps significantly to efficiency in the economy.
Moreover
, diverse
choices
caters
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cater
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 to different tastes and lifestyles, fostering a society where individual preferences are acknowledged. People can explore and accept a variety of options,
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
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 their
overall
 quality of life.
This
 flexibility in
choices
 contributes to a more
include
Replace the word
inclusive
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 and satisfying society experience. In conclusion, despite the perception that too many
choices
 may be a bad thing, the advantages, including personalization and economic benefits,
outweighs
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outweigh
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 the drawbacks. Our various range of
choices
 shapes a dynamic and
consumer friendly
Add a hyphen
consumer-friendly
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 society, offering
a
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apply
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plenty of opportunities for
person grow
Replace the word
personal growth
show examples
 and satisfaction.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with a distinguishable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point and use clear topic sentences to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and transitional phrases to create a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
While you have provided general supporting points, try to include more specific examples to illustrate your arguments better. These examples can be from your own experience, observations, or other credible sources.
task achievement
Make sure to address the prompt directly and fully. Expand on your ideas to fully respond to the statement given, ensuring that your position on the issue is clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. Using a variety of complex structures and vocabulary can increase the clarity and sophistication of your ideas

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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