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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are the solutions?

#people #employment #jobs
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In the contemporary era, it is irrefutable that elderly
people
 have little chance to get the same careers as younger age groups.
Thus
,
this
 paramount issue become one of the global problems that require possible solutions.
To begin
 with, the age difference has a detrimental impact on employees in the workplace, which is considered by employers.
This
 is one of the major hardships of the issue.
Furthermore
, companies can cut down the expenditures by hiring young and cost-effective workers
instead
 of old ones.
As a result
, older groups of
people
 struggle to get the same position as young
people
 in international organizations. On top of that, young
people
 are capable of working under pressure
whereas
 older
people
 find it challenging to deal with stress.
Consequently
, the performance of companies will dramatically increase
due to
 will-performed employees. In order to solve these shortcomings, the government has the responsibility to tackle these backsets so as to lessen these issues in the community. First of all, the authorities ought to provide free workshops in order to enhance the older employees’ skills in the near future.
Secondly
, the value of a diverse workforce should be promoted by the residents to solve
this
 problem. In conclusion, the government and society should take some actions to tackle
this
 complication by setting new regulations and providing valuable training sessions.
Submitted by lae547918 on

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task achievement
To enhance your score in task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the question. Provide a more detailed discussion of the problems caused by older people competing with younger people for jobs, including a variety of examples and explanations.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. Every point you make should be followed by an example or further explanation to really illustrate your viewpoint and provide a comprehensive understanding.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on linking your ideas more smoothly through better use of transitions and cohesive devices. Also, make sure each paragraph centers around a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences and a conclusive sentence that ties back to the main argument of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intergenerational competition
  • Age discrimination
  • Adaptability
  • Hiring practices
  • Workforce diversity
  • Upskilling
  • Lifelong learning
  • Flexible working arrangements
  • Ageism
  • Technological proficiency
  • Productivity concerns
  • Diverse skillsets
  • Legislative protection
  • Employment equity
  • Biases
What to do next:
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