9. Some people prefer to be self-employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages Which is a better approach.
Certain
people
like to work as a
Change the article
an
employe
for the Correct your spelling
employee
goverment
or any private Correct your spelling
government
company
, on the other
hand
there are some Add the comma(s)
hand,
people
who preffer
to establish their own Correct your spelling
prefer
business
they do not like to serve their knowledge or abilities to the third Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
persons
Change noun form
person's
business
. In my opinion, running our own business
or getting employed with any company
and getting a fix
salary on Change the verb form
fixed
monthly
basis would prove beneficial but Correct article usage
a monthly
also
have some drawbacks.
Firstly
, if a person
have
established his own Change the verb form
has
business
in the begining
he can face some difficulties but if that Correct your spelling
beginning
person
keep
working and Change the verb form
keeps
dont
lose hope, Correct your spelling
don't
then
with the passage of time the business
in which he was
involved will prove profitable for him. In Wrong verb form
is
this
way
, people
can give their best to their own field
rather than getting employed and surving
other Correct your spelling
surviving
serving
persons
Change noun form
people's
field
. In 2020, a suvey
conducted by Correct your spelling
survey
Correct article usage
the Goverment
Goverment
of PakistanCorrect your spelling
government
,
showed that nowadays more Remove the comma
apply
then
half percent of youth in Pakistan Correct your spelling
than
is
focusingCorrect subject-verb agreement
are
their
on Correct pronoun usage
apply
field
in which they studied rather Add an article
the field
then
getting employed and obtaining Replace the word
than
salary
on Correct article usage
a salary
Correct article usage
a mothly
mothly
basis.
Correct your spelling
monthly
Secondaly
, if a Correct your spelling
Secondly
person
is intrested
in getting a permanent job in a Correct your spelling
interested
company
, in this
way
he can meet his monthly expance
Correct your spelling
expanse
expenses
by
the salary he Change preposition
with
get
after a month, it would prove good for him but he can not pay attention to his Change the verb form
gets
field
in which he studied or graduated, he would spend his life for giving his best to another persons
Change to a genitive case
person's
business
and in this
way
he can Add a comma
way,
also
not achieve his own goal.
In conclussion
, if Correct your spelling
conclusion
people
keep working in a company
and they are satisfied with the pay tehn
it is ok but if he is not satisfied Correct your spelling
then
then
that person
should think about investing his abilities to
his own Change preposition
in
business
and as we know in our own bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
their
is no limit of profit. In my opinion, Replace the word
there
people
should run a side business
with
doing a job, in Change preposition
while
this
way
they can better manage things.Add a comma
way,
Submitted by jhonyxxx579 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas more logically and clearly. Your essay has some structure, but the ideas could be presented more coherently. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to that main idea.
coherence cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion to ensure they are more impactful. The introduction should clearly state the advantages and disadvantages, while the conclusion should decisively state your opinion without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, make sure that the transition between paragraphs and ideas is smooth. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that you respond to all parts of the task. Both sides of the argument - self-employment and working for a company - should be discussed in equal measure with clear advantages and disadvantages for each.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should contain a clear position with explanations that are fully developed, rather than just stating facts or opinions.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. Referencing the survey from Pakistan was a good start, but more detailed examples would make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.