Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what rneasures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

In the modern era,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
young generation might be exposed to way
much pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
more pressure
show examples
for their psychosocial
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
past. There may be a variety of
contuributions
Correct your spelling
contributions
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
causing
this
phenomenon as a social
issue
with easy
accessing
Replace the word
access
show examples
to social media that
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourages
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the sense of competition between peers.
However
, fortunately, possible solutions can be in place for addressing the problem. The factors of the
issue
and accessible
approaching
Replace the word
approach
show examples
would be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
presented below.
To begin
with, young people have more burdens to carry
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
lives to achieve better academic outcomes and to develop social skills which are all for their psychosocial
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
than the past
generantions
Correct your spelling
generations
generation
.
This
is
due to
the fact that young people can have much information from the internet which might be
source
Add an article
a source
the source
show examples
to compare themselves to others. To exemplify
this
, young students would be able to see what others are doing without their
intend
Replace the word
intent
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
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Instagram when they log in.
This
might impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
children
's mental health
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
bringing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sense of competition unconsciously.
With
Change preposition
For
show examples
this
reason,
children
might have more pressures to reach their psychosocial goals
such
others are doing.
However
, there would be possible solutions to tackle
this
situation among
children
by creating a platform for
children
which is more likely to be helpful for their
overall
lives. As existing social media
such
as
Instragram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
and Youtube tend to focus on adults,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
online place for young students would be developed to address the current
issue
. For a salient example,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
internet-based app which stimulates their enjoyment on top of their developments can be developed for an online risk-free place.
Therefore
, the presenting
issue
can be resolved by
this
approach.
To sum up
,
although
children
have a confrontation with the
issue
reagrding
Correct your spelling
regarding
having massive pressure in their psychosocial development stages from greater
accessbilities
Correct your spelling
accessibilities
to social media than before, developing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
children friendly
Add a hyphen
children-friendly
show examples
app can be a solution which can be placed.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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task response
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coherence and cohesion
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coherence and cohesion
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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
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  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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