Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what rneasures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

In the modern era,

Correct article usage

the

show examples

young generation might be exposed to way

much pressures

Fix the agreement mistake

more pressure

show examples

for their psychosocial

developments

Fix the agreement mistake

development

show examples

than

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

past. There may be a variety of

contuributions

Correct your spelling

contributions

Change preposition

apply

show examples

causing

this

Linking Words

phenomenon as a social

issue

Use synonyms

with easy

accessing

Replace the word

access

show examples

to social media that

encouraging

Wrong verb form

encourages

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

the sense of competition between peers.

However

Linking Words

, fortunately, possible solutions can be in place for addressing the problem. The factors of the

issue

Use synonyms

and accessible

approaching

Replace the word

approach

show examples

would be

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

presented below.

To begin

Linking Words

with, young people have more burdens to carry

their

Change preposition

in their

show examples

lives to achieve better academic outcomes and to develop social skills which are all for their psychosocial

developments

Fix the agreement mistake

development

show examples

than the past

generantions

Correct your spelling

generations

generation

This

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

the fact that young people can have much information from the internet which might be

source

Add an article

a source

the source

show examples

to compare themselves to others. To exemplify

this

Linking Words

, young students would be able to see what others are doing without their

intend

Replace the word

intent

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

Instagram when they log in.

This

Linking Words

might impact

Change preposition

apply

show examples

young

children

Use synonyms

's mental health

Change preposition

show examples

bringing

the

Correct article usage

show examples

sense of competition unconsciously.

With

Change preposition

For

show examples

this

Linking Words

reason,

children

Use synonyms

might have more pressures to reach their psychosocial goals

such

Linking Words

others are doing.

However

Linking Words

, there would be possible solutions to tackle

this

Linking Words

situation among

children

Use synonyms

by creating a platform for

children

Use synonyms

which is more likely to be helpful for their

overall

Linking Words

lives. As existing social media

such

Linking Words

Instragram

Correct your spelling

Instagram

and Youtube tend to focus on adults,

Change the article

show examples

online place for young students would be developed to address the current

issue

Use synonyms

. For a salient example,

the

Correct article usage

show examples

internet-based app which stimulates their enjoyment on top of their developments can be developed for an online risk-free place.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the presenting

issue

Use synonyms

can be resolved by

this

Linking Words

approach.

To sum up

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

have a confrontation with the

issue

Use synonyms

reagrding

Correct your spelling

regarding

having massive pressure in their psychosocial development stages from greater

accessbilities

Correct your spelling

accessibilities

to social media than before, developing

the

Correct article usage

show examples

Use synonyms

children friendly

Add a hyphen

children-friendly

show examples

app can be a solution which can be placed.

yeseulyou92

Feb 5, 2024

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task response

Ensure that you directly address the question by providing a clear opinion or answer to the task and maintaining relevance to the topic throughout your essay.

coherence and cohesion

Organize your ideas more logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly relevant to this main idea.

coherence and cohesion

Support your main points with relevant examples and ensure that these examples are explained in sufficient detail to strengthen your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Work on sentence construction to avoid overly complex or awkward sentences that can confuse the reader or distract from the clarity of your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what rneasures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Some people think that children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The use of recreational drugs is on the increase, especially among young people. Describe the reasons for this worrying issue and provide suggestions to minimize it.

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given to protect wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agee or disagree?

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

Many people try to balance work and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do. What are the problems associated with this? What is the best way to achieve a better balance?