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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Recently, the issue of
job
Use synonyms
 choice has become the subject of heated debate. Some
people
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 assert that individuals should be realistic about deciding their jobs,
while
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 others argue
otherwise
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. And I wholeheartedly agree with the former stand. In the following essay, both views will be discussed before a conclusion is reached with my opinion. On the one hand, those who claim that it is much better to choose their
job
Use synonyms
 freely do so for several reasons. Proponents of these arguments insist that pursuing passion would increase an individual’s
job
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 satisfaction. To be specific, when
people
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 freely choose their occupation considering their interests, they could be motivated and excel in their field, resulting in higher
job
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 satisfaction and personal
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
. Another argument is that it could lead to one’s long-term success.
This
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 means that passion-based
job
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 hunting sometimes results in better output
such
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 as a promotion and career building. Given these points, some
people
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 hold the view that it’s better to select their
job
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 freely. My opinion,
however
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, is that young
people
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 must think practically with occupation. Perhaps the most compelling reason is that they can earn a greater amount of income and don’t have to worry about unemployment. Generally, practical choices ensure them a stable salary and avoidance of financial difficulties. Another grave issue is that there are some fields that offer more stability and financial rewards compared to other fields which
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
not
Add the particle
not to
show examples
 have enough
job
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 opportunities. Research conducted by Seoul National University has demonstrated that doctor’s unemployment rate was 9%,
whereas
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 that of artists and musicians was 55%, which of five times higher.
In other words
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, passion alone may not be sufficient if there are very few opportunities available. In light of the above, I find these more persuasive. In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about
this
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 topic.
However
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, after considering
this
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 matter in a careful manner, I fully support the view that young
people
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 should think more about a realistic future.

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task achievement
Ensure to address both views with equal depth to strengthen the task achievement score.
task achievement
It's important to use relevant examples that strongly support the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words or phrases to improve the flow of ideas within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured and the main points are well-supported with reasons.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion and provide reasons for your viewpoint, demonstrating good task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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