IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects, other people think that in today's word, subjects like science and technology are more important than history Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #history #school #subjects #word #science #technology
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Several
people
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 believe that studying
a
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apply
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history
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's subject is one of the most necessary things.
Whereas
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, others
considere
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consider
considered
 that science and
technology
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 are more imperative to be learned than
history
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument
as well as
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 my perspective on the below paragraph. On the first hand, studying
about
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apply
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history
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 is to understand
a
Correct article usage
the
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 root of identity.
History
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 elaborates a tradition, language and norm that form
people
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 now.
In addition
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, a minority of
people
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 can learn about past mistakes. Everyone understanding satisfactory and abdominal
occurrances
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occurrences
occurrence
 in the past can learn some
guilts
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guilt
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, and it prevents that incident repeated in the next.
For instance
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, there
a
Remove the article
apply
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war is able to be studied about the effects
that
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Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 caused.
Thus
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, they are going to avoid a war, and they will keep
a
Correct article usage
the
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 peace.
On the other hand
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, learning the subjects of science and
technology
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 entailed in advancements of globalization. Nowadays,
development
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the development
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 of
world
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the world
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 is
rapidly
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rapid
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 because there is
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technology
Add an article
a technology
the technology
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that is
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 able to make it easier
humans
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for humans
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 to do activities. Transportation and communication,
for example
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, are the most developed
technology
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.
There
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Their
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 transportations
such
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 as
car
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cars
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,
train
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trains
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 and
airplane
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airplanes
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 make it easy
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people
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for people
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 to move
in
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to
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 other places without spending a lot of time.
Besides
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,
technology
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 communication affords many
informations
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information
 so that a majority of
people
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is
Verb problem
can
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easy
Replace the word
easily
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to
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apply
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obtain some knowledge, and
this
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 makes it easier
someone
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for someone
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 to communicate with another person without talking face-to-face.
To sum up
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, both arguments carry strength and significance, and neither can be refuted outright.
Nevertheless
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, I personally subscribe to the fact that combining those subjects is important, and students should be able to be equal to study those materials.
Submitted by fifi on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is developed and expanded upon.
development
Focus on developing your ideas fully with clear explanations and relevant examples. Make sure each paragraph relates to the main topic of the essay and contributes to your argument.
language
Check for grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Using varied sentence structures and precise vocabulary can help convey ideas more effectively.
accuracy
Review your essay for spelling, punctuation, and word choice errors. Correct these issues to enhance the clarity and readability of your essay.
conclusion
Though your conclusion summarizes your essay, try to succinctly restate your opinion and the reasons behind it, avoiding new information or simply repeating what was already said.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • critical thinking
  • historical analysis
  • contemporary challenges
  • economic growth
  • medical advancements
  • technological literacy
  • interdisciplinary
  • well-rounded education
  • intangible insights
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