IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many workers are suffering from joint pains (such as neck pain), which they ascribe to sedentary office jobs

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In
this
Linking Words
 current day, many joint pains attack
employees
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as neck pain, since they have
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 in their
office
Use synonyms
 almost
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. From my perspective, I agree with that statement as many people work day by day in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
office
Use synonyms
 which has similar activities and lack of exercise. In the beginning, sedentary
office
Use synonyms
 jobs
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 common in each country, including developed or poorer
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 happening is because the number of enterprises that cannot provide
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 rooms has increased over the
last
Linking Words
 period.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are plenty of companies which are
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 profits and revenue and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 take care
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
employees
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, as a
demanding
Replace the word
demand
show examples
 to earn money, workers have to follow the company’s
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
while
Linking Words
 it has a strict
lifestyle
Use synonyms
; meanwhile, they will lose their incomes which are crucial to promote their lives.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, since workers have duties in a company that has
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, they would lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 because of the limited
time
Use synonyms
. Many
employees
Use synonyms
 will squander the majority of their
time
Use synonyms
 to work and sit in front of
computer’s
Correct article usage
a computer’s
show examples
 screen without
realize
Wrong verb form
realising
show examples
 that
time
Use synonyms
 flies.
As a consequence
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 habit,
join
Correct your spelling
joint
show examples
 paints
become
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a detrimental effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them like neck pain which led suffering
feeling
Replace the word
feelings
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 workers. Data
analyser
Fix the agreement mistake
analysers
show examples
,
for instance
Linking Words
, almost in each company,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to sit down in their room to analyze the firm’s data over the weekdays.
In addition
Linking Words
, their neck and sceletons have to suffer, if the habit
is repeat
Change the verb form
is repeated
is repeating
show examples
 all the
time
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
employees
Use synonyms
 will suffer from joint pants because of
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 in their
office
Use synonyms
 which there is no
time
Use synonyms
 and space to exercise.

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is developed with specific examples and explanations. Avoid vague statements.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking ideas more clearly and coherently throughout the essay. This could involve using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring paragraphs flow smoothly into each other.
coherence and cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, work on developing a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to fully address the prompt. This might involve expanding upon how joint pains impact workers' lives or discussing potential solutions more in depth.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This could be in the form of statistics, studies, or real-world cases that underscore the severity of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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