IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In a number of counties, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#counties #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
It is considered by
some
Capitalize word
Some
show examples
 that it is vital to allocate a large amount of
money
 for new railway
lines
Fix the agreement mistake
line
show examples
 construction for commuting faster between areas,
while
 there are others who think that
this
 budget could
be better use
Change the verb form
be better used
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
existence
Replace the word
existing
show examples
 public transportation.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I agree that it is important to enhance the quality of transportation which
is exist
Change the verb form
exists
show examples
 in cities, I do not think that we should not dedicate some
money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 improving new
rail ways
Correct your spelling
railways
show examples
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, some people hold the view that
consturcting
Correct your spelling
constructing
 new railway lines for fast
transfering
Correct your spelling
transferring
 is essential in regions.
This
 is because, in
this
fast-pace
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
 world
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
individuals are in a rush all the
time
 and they even have no
time
for undertaking
Change preposition
to undertake
show examples
 their main duties saving
time
 is a significant point. And
also
becaus
Correct your spelling
because
 lots of people come from suburbs or even other cities to their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
, it could be helpful
in addition
saving
Change preposition
to saving
show examples
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
 their
money
. A good illustration
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
that is
 people who come from Karaj to Tehran. They spend
time
 over 2 or 3 hours on roads and highways to reach their destination.
Thus
, if nations tackle
this
 problem by adding new railways and faster trains it would be useful for them.
On the other hand
, the opposing view asserts that
money
 should be spent on current public transportation to make them
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better. The compelling reason for
this
assertation
Correct your spelling
assertion
show examples
 is that they presume there are lots of trains or buses which were broken down. To put it differently, there are roads and railway lines which need to be
repaird
Correct your spelling
repaired
.
therefore
, they are useless or even dangerous.
In addition
, they assume that a great amount of budget
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 spent on them and
shoul
Correct your spelling
should
 be
repaird
Correct your spelling
repaired
 or improved. Take broken
busses
Correct your spelling
buses
show examples
 as an
exampl
Correct your spelling
example
;
Although
, there are
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
 of them in
garage
Add an article
the garage
a garage
show examples
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 in
transfering
Correct your spelling
transferring
.
Hence
, it is logical to repair them and
also
 employ
again
Correct pronoun usage
them again
show examples
.
To conclude
, there are valid arguments on both sides of the
controversey
Correct your spelling
controversy
; on
balanc
Correct your spelling
balance
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is my firm conviction that nations could dedicate a certain amount of budget to both issues.
Submitted by niloofar_sk33 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Use
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. Use proper punctuation and maintain consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay.
Essay Structure
Keep a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and sequentially follow one another.
Argument Development
Develop your arguments by providing more clear, relevant, and specific examples to support your points. Also, include counterarguments and refutations where appropriate.
Cohesion
Link ideas between sentences and paragraphs more clearly using a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, lexical chains, and transition phrases.
Introduction & Conclusion
Refine your introduction and conclusion to more clearly state the question topic, your thesis, and a brief summary of your main arguments. Ensure the conclusion encapsulates your opinion coherently.
Task Response
Address all parts of the task ensuring to discuss both views and give your own opinion throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-speed trains
  • travel time
  • business activities
  • tourism
  • cutting-edge technology
  • competitive
  • global scale
  • innovation
  • progress
  • alleviate traffic congestion
  • lower carbon emissions
  • sustainable mode of transportation
  • cost-effective
  • existing infrastructure
  • upgrades
  • positive impact
  • daily commutes
  • quality of life
  • environmental disruption
  • natural landscapes
  • urban skylines
What to do next:
Look at other essays: