There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
many
people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that
money
is a major key to consider a
job
to be worthy.
While
it is true that
money
is important , other main reasons must be considered
along with
it.
Nontheless
Correct your spelling
Nonetheless
this
essay displays that
money
alone can not be the only main
factor
. On one hand , it is widely accepted by
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
of
people
that with
money
not all but most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
things
Add an article
the things
show examples
can be
accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
.
Due to
the offers that
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
tries to
decieve
Correct your spelling
deceive
us with , it is impossible to live without
money
.
For example
, the costs of accommodation and studying
this days
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
have highly increased.
Furthermore
, the need
of being
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to be
show examples
observed is another fact nowadays ,
therefore
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
care about
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
performance in public which
requiers
Correct your spelling
requires
good clothing that costs
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
.
According to
many articles, not only
money
is an important
factor
, but it is
also
needed to get a
job
in the first place
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
most of the
time
, a university degree is needed to apply for a
job
filed
Correct your spelling
field
show examples
and
costs
Correct article usage
the costs
show examples
of
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
are not cheap.
On the other hand
, a
job
is something that
people
doing it must get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
satisfaction from and
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
not possible only
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
money
.
For instance
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
humans have a need
for being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
respected in public which is something that wealth has little to do with
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Another
factor
would be the working
time
and free
time
for the workers. Based on a report made by
Washington
Correct article usage
the Washington
show examples
post
Capitalize word
Post
show examples
, over 80 percent
Men
Change preposition
of Men
show examples
and Women who were happy with their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, had a boundary between their workplace and free
time
at their house. In conclusion , it can be said that
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
money
plays an important role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
value , it is not the main
factor
and other reasons must be considered
along with
it.
Submitted by mhosseinnaseri14 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the paragraph's sentences support that idea directly.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of the essay by improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to avoid general statements and focus on providing more detailed, specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and aim for a variety of complex sentence structures to articulate your ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Double-check your spelling and grammar as errors can affect the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
Develop your conclusion further by summarizing your key points and reiterating your position in a nuanced way.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • basic needs
  • career advancement
  • pension
  • job satisfaction
  • sense of purpose
  • social connections
  • workplace relationships
  • intellectual stimulation
  • societal norms
  • earning potential
  • motivation
  • livelihood
  • financial independence
  • professional growth
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