IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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many
people
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belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
money
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 is a major key to consider a
job
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 to be worthy.
While
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 it is true that
money
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 is important , other main reasons must be considered
along with
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 it.
Nontheless
Correct your spelling
Nonetheless
this
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 essay displays that
money
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 alone can not be the only main
factor
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. On one hand , it is widely accepted by
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of
people
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 that with
money
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 not all but most
of
Change preposition
apply
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things
Add an article
the things
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 can be
accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
.
Due to
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 the offers that
market
Correct article usage
the market
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 tries to
decieve
Correct your spelling
deceive
 us with , it is impossible to live without
money
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.
For example
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 , the costs of accommodation and studying
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this days
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this day
these days
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 have highly increased.
Furthermore
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, the need
of being
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to be
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 observed is another fact nowadays ,
therefore
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 most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 care about
there
Replace the word
their
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 performance in public which
requiers
Correct your spelling
requires
 good clothing that costs
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
.
According to
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 many articles, not only
money
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 is an important
factor
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 , but it is
also
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 needed to get a
job
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 in the first place
since
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apply
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because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
most of the
time
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 , a university degree is needed to apply for a
job
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filed
Correct your spelling
field
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 and
costs
Correct article usage
the costs
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 of
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
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 are not cheap.
On the other hand
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 , a
job
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 is something that
people
Use synonyms
 doing it must get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
satisfaction from and
its
Correct your spelling
it is
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 not possible only
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
money
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.
For instance
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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humans have a need
for being
Change preposition
to be
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 respected in public which is something that wealth has little to do with
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. Another
factor
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 would be the working
time
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 and free
time
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 for the workers. Based on a report made by
Washington
Correct article usage
the Washington
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post
Capitalize word
Post
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, over 80 percent
Men
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of Men
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 and Women who were happy with their
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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, had a boundary between their workplace and free
time
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 at their house. In conclusion , it can be said that
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
money
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 plays an important role
on
Change preposition
in
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 value , it is not the main
factor
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 and other reasons must be considered
along with
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 it.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the paragraph's sentences support that idea directly.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of the essay by improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to avoid general statements and focus on providing more detailed, specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and aim for a variety of complex sentence structures to articulate your ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Double-check your spelling and grammar as errors can affect the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
Develop your conclusion further by summarizing your key points and reiterating your position in a nuanced way.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • basic needs
  • career advancement
  • pension
  • job satisfaction
  • sense of purpose
  • social connections
  • workplace relationships
  • intellectual stimulation
  • societal norms
  • earning potential
  • motivation
  • livelihood
  • financial independence
  • professional growth
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