IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below gives data about proportion of people who used the internet from 1998 to 2000

the chart below gives data about proportion of people who used the internet from 1998 to 2000
#data #proportion #people #internet
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
chart
Use synonyms
 shows figures about the percentage of individuals that used the
internet
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 1998 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly
Change the word
slight
show examples
 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 usage of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 during the examined period in the
chart
Use synonyms
 for the
age
Use synonyms
 group of 16-30
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 and 31-50
years
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the utilization of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 for the
age
Use synonyms
 groups under 15
years
Use synonyms
 and more than 50, the
chart
Use synonyms
 showed
Correct article usage
a gradually
show examples
gradually
Change the word
gradual
show examples
 increase
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their usage of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 between
Use synonyms
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 1998-2000. The
chart
Use synonyms
 shows that during the
years
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1998 until 2000,
people
Use synonyms
 utilized of
internet
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 group of 16-30
years
Use synonyms
 and 31-50
years
Use synonyms
 had slightly decreased from 1998 until 1999 from 52% to 45% and from 40% to 38% respectively.
While
Linking Words
 the figures remained stable from year 1998 to 2000 Meanwhile, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 less than 15 and more than 50 for the 3
years
Use synonyms
shows
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 on the
chart
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly increased from 3% to 8%
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals less than 15. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
inclining
Correct article usage
an inclining
show examples
 rate for
people
Use synonyms
 more than 50
years
Use synonyms
 from 8% to 10% during the period 1998 to 2000. In brief, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
upward
Add an article
the upward
an upward
show examples
 trend for
people
Use synonyms
 less than 15 and more than 50 in the usage of
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
; meanwhile, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
downward
Add an article
the downward
a downward
show examples
 trend for both the
age
Use synonyms
 groups 16-30 and 31-50
years
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Mido  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, internet, years, age, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: