IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of these fashions?

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Nowadays, the countries keep the same ads, brands, and TV shows and share the same style of food, deleting big barriers between countries.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the idea that the benefits outweigh the negative aspects, especially in
fashion
Use synonyms
 since there is one general inclusion
overall
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 in the world. Keeping the same
fashion
Use synonyms
 trends, lets different communities travel easily, protecting them from discrimination, as they use the same
fashion
Use synonyms
 taste. Eating and wearing clothes similar to other ones won't stand out over the rest of the population, and the opportunities will be similar for everyone.
For example
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, New York City has a big percentage of diversity, and there is a big connection with the capitalist system, where one person identifies with the city, gets used to buying similar brands and starts enjoying the same TV show, and the style change according with the advertising
that is
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 around. Imagine that one Indian girl refuses to change the clothes of her culture in a big city like The Big Apple, probably the opportunities will reduce in comparison with other ones.
However
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, the big disadvantage in the scenery of keeping the same kind of style is the loss of ethnicity, which is different in each country, and those traditions have moral value for them.
Also
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, a lot of them, have restrictions on some kinds of food as meat, because is disrespectful to the religion.
for instance
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, Judios do not pork, Indians do eat meat, and Chinese do not eat beef. In conclusion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 global
fashion
Use synonyms
 in the world, since it is changing
according to
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 TV influence. It makes life easier for the
traveler
Change the spelling
traveller
show examples
, not standing out for a particular religion or culture.
Nonetheless
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people from other
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 can still
using
Change the verb form
use
be using
show examples
 their own traditions in their
owns
Replace the word
own
show examples
 countries.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is developed coherently throughout the paragraph. Try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or not. This sets the direction for the reader and gives clarity to the essay's argument.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. Examples help to illustrate and strengthen your arguments. Avoid using hypothetical or generic examples.
task achievement
Be careful of generalizations and consider counter-arguments to create a more balanced essay. Acknowledging both sides demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive sentence structures to showcase a range of grammatical constructs and enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Work on refining your conclusion by summarizing the main points of the essay and reiterating your position on the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
When discussing different perspectives or ideas, ensure there is a clear distinction between them and explain how they are relevant to the main topic of the essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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