The best way to obtain/ the key to/ most important factor in job satisfaction is salary. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Best-way)

In the present day, with an enormous option of company, whether it is big or small, the worker turnover is quite high. Some people believe the most important factor for employees to stay in the company and be satisfied with their current
job
is because of
salary
. I personally disagree with
this
opinion
To begin
with, we can not deny that a high
salary
is one of the main considerations for the employee to choose a
job
. But a high
salary
can not really guarantee
job
satisfaction for the worker . Based on my experiences and my observations, a healthy and good environment with the boss and co-workers is actually one of the main reasons for employees to stay with their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. I witnessed some of my friends resign
due to
the toxic environment and unhealthy relationships with their colleagues
although
they obtained a good amount of monthly paychecks.
Secondly
, most people want to apply the knowledge and skills they got during school or college, and they
also
want to develop their abilities or
another competence
Fix the agreement mistake
other competencies
show examples
through their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. But if the
job
does not provide
this
and makes them feel undeveloped, some people would likely leave the
job
and search for another opportunity that can make them learn and develop more. In conclusion, I am against the opinion that
salary
is the main key to
job
satisfaction for workers because as I mentioned before, there are a lot of factors for a person to feel satisfied with their
job
and even if someone has a high
salary
but feel uncomfortable, sooner or later they will leave and looking for another company.
Submitted by rlsk.2899 on

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Introduction & Thesis
Your introduction does well in presenting your disagreement with the statement, yet it needs to smoothly integrate the thesis with the upcoming points.
Coherence & Linking
Your arguments are structured logically, but transitions between them could be smoother for better flow.
Conclusion
Solid conclusion, reiterates your stance clearly. However, it could benefit from summarizing the main points more effectively for a stronger impact.
Task Response
Your essay task response is quite complete, but to strengthen it, always address the prompt. The question of extent in agreement or disagreement requires a stronger, more nuanced position.
Supporting Examples
You provided relevant examples, but try to include specific scenarios or data to enhance the credibility and support for your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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