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Band 6

The best way to obtain/ the key to/ most important factor in job satisfaction is salary. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Best-way)

#factor #job #satisfaction #salary #best-way
In the present day, with an enormous option of company, whether it is big or small, the worker turnover is quite high. Some people believe the most important factor for employees to stay in the company and be satisfied with their current
job
 is because of
salary
. I personally disagree with
this
 opinion
To begin
 with, we can not deny that a high
salary
 is one of the main considerations for the employee to choose a
job
. But a high
salary
 can not really guarantee
job
 satisfaction for the worker . Based on my experiences and my observations, a healthy and good environment with the boss and co-workers is actually one of the main reasons for employees to stay with their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. I witnessed some of my friends resign
due to
 the toxic environment and unhealthy relationships with their colleagues
although
 they obtained a good amount of monthly paychecks.
Secondly
, most people want to apply the knowledge and skills they got during school or college, and they
also
 want to develop their abilities or
another competence
Fix the agreement mistake
other competencies
show examples
 through their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. But if the
job
 does not provide
this
 and makes them feel undeveloped, some people would likely leave the
job
 and search for another opportunity that can make them learn and develop more. In conclusion, I am against the opinion that
salary
 is the main key to
job
 satisfaction for workers because as I mentioned before, there are a lot of factors for a person to feel satisfied with their
job
 and even if someone has a high
salary
 but feel uncomfortable, sooner or later they will leave and looking for another company.
Submitted by rlsk.2899 on

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Introduction & Thesis
Your introduction does well in presenting your disagreement with the statement, yet it needs to smoothly integrate the thesis with the upcoming points.
Coherence & Linking
Your arguments are structured logically, but transitions between them could be smoother for better flow.
Conclusion
Solid conclusion, reiterates your stance clearly. However, it could benefit from summarizing the main points more effectively for a stronger impact.
Task Response
Your essay task response is quite complete, but to strengthen it, always address the prompt. The question of extent in agreement or disagreement requires a stronger, more nuanced position.
Supporting Examples
You provided relevant examples, but try to include specific scenarios or data to enhance the credibility and support for your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Financial security
  • 2. Desirable lifestyle
  • 3. Significant motivator
  • 4. Job responsibilities
  • 5. Engagement and challenge
  • 6. Positive work environment
  • 7. Supportive management
  • 8. Career progression
  • 9. Professional growth
  • 10. Skill development
  • 11. Sustainable job satisfaction
  • 12. Work-life balance
  • 13. Flexible working hours
  • 14. Reasonable workloads
  • 15. Healthy work-life balance
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