IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #malls #society
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Although
Linking Words
 most people believe that many young people spend too much of their free moment at shopping shopping
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
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 can have a negative impact on them and society is acceptable. I totally agree with the statement about the negative impact on
a young guys
Correct the article-noun agreement
a young guy
young guys
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. I will examine
this
Linking Words
 detail in a
further
Linking Words
 essay. Out of all the arguments, the strongest one to prove my view is wasting
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is to say young guys have a lot of things to learn during their young age and they should spend their
time
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 studying and developing their personal skills. As a good example, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 are not designed only for the young, there are a lot of attractions that are made for adults like liquor shops and cigarette promotion counters. Spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 there and seeing often those counters will lead young children to want to try it. The other reason to prove my point is that they will get bored in their study. Mostly, shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 are full of attractive events and activities for their visitors. If the young guys spend too much
time
Use synonyms
 there, they will be less interested in their studies and they will end up with negative results.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people consider about social development
skill
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skills
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 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
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.
This
Linking Words
 is a very important skill for young. If the young spend all of their
time
Use synonyms
 studying at schools without visiting shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 and other places, they will not be able to learn the real social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 that
uses
Wrong verb form
used
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 in their real life . In conclusion, it can be said that spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 in the shopping
malls
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 will give good social skills to the young. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to negative impacts
such
Linking Words
 as wasting
time
Use synonyms
 and less interest in their study.
Submitted by mr.shinephonemyat on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents your viewpoint and outlines what will be discussed in the essay, while the conclusion should summarize the key points and restate your position firmly.
logical structure
Work on creating a more logical structure by organizing ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea, and using a variety of linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
supported main points
Develop your main points further with more detailed explanations and specific, relevant examples to support your arguments.
complete response
Make sure to address the prompt completely by discussing both views to some extent and clearly stating to what extent you agree or disagree.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and elaborate on your ideas to make them more comprehensive and easy to understand for the reader.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points effectively. It helps to use real-world examples or hypothetical situations that clearly relate to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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