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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below present information about electricity generated using renewable and non renewable energy in the United States in 2009- 2019.

The charts below present information about electricity generated using renewable and non renewable energy in the United States in 2009- 2019.
#information #electricity #energy #states
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The bar chart represents the
electricity
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 generated by renewable and
non renewable
Add a hyphen
non-renewable
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energy
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 in the United States in the
year
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 2009- 2019. I will explain in the following paragraphs.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is observed that coal
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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produced more
energy
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 in the
year
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 2009 and natural gas
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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produced more
electricity
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 in
the
Change the article
apply
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2019
whereas
Linking Words
 wind is a renewable
energy
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 which produced high
energy
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 sources in the
year
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 2009.
To begin
Linking Words
 with , petroleum produced only 57
billion
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kilowatts
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 per hour in 2009 .
Whereas
Linking Words
, renewable sources, nuclear and natural gas generated. more than 400
billion
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kilowatts
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 of
electricity
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 in 2009.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, coal stands in the first position to generate
electricity
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 with 1756
billion
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kilo watt
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kilowatt
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 per hour.
In addition
Linking Words
, in 2019 natural gas produced higher
electricity
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 as compared to other sources . Petroleum produced only 40
billion
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kilo watts
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kilowatts
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 per every hour.
Moreover
Linking Words
, renewable energies
such
Linking Words
 as solar, wind, geothermal, plant or animal matter,
hydroelectric
Correct word choice
and hydroelectric
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 contain
lower
Correct word choice
less
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electricity
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 compared to
non renewable
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non-renewable
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 energies. Wind
produces
Wrong verb form
produced
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 94
billion
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kilowatts
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 in 2009 and it increased to 300
billion
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kilowatts
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 in 2019. Geothermal
generate
Correct subject-verb agreement
generates
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 lower
energy
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 in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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years. In 2009, solar
energy
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Add a missing verb
was 1billion
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1billion
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1 billion
kilowatts
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 and it raised to 73
billion
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kilowatts
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 in the
year
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 2019. Plant or animal matter produces 54
kilowatts
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,
58
Correct word choice
and 58
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kilowatts
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,
hydroelectric
Correct word choice
and hydroelectric
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 produces 273
kilowatts
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 for both years.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, energy, year, billion, kilowatts with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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