IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Writing Task 1 You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Describe the table below showing the percentage of the population aged 65 and over in three countries for 100 years. Write at least 150 words. Table: Percentage of Population Aged 65 and Over in Three Countries (1900-2000) YearAustraliaBelgiumCosta Rica 1900583 19507104 2000151812

#minutes #percentage #population #three #countries #years #yearaustraliabelgiumcosta #rica
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From the table above, we can see that for
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 100 years from 1900 until 2000,
Belgium
have
Change the verb form
has
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 the highest
population
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 people aged 65 and over in the three countries (Australia,
Belgium
, and Costa Rica).
Belgium
have
Change the verb form
has
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 the biggest portion
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 that
population
 with an average
up
Change preposition
of up
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 to 50%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
total
Correct article usage
the total
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 in the three countries each year.
Contrast from
Change preposition
In contrast to
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Belgium
, Costa Rica
have
Change the verb form
has
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 the lowest
population
 for that
aged
Replace the word
age
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 each year of observation.
This
 data
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 more research to check what is behind the situation. We must compare based on
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each country and check the composition for the
population
 aged below 65. After we get all the data, we can analyze and compare them to make sure
fair
Change preposition
of fair
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 on observation. The conclusion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can lead us to other assumptions to check, like birth
rate
, death
rate
, etc. Maybe
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Belgium
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 birth
rate
 or maybe Costa Rica
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 death
rate
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and many
others assumption
Fix the agreement mistake
other assumptions
show examples
 and
conclusion
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusions
show examples
 we can get.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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task response
It is critical to adhere strictly to the data provided in the task; avoid making unsupported assumptions or suggestions that require external data or further research, such as birth rates or reasons behind the data.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the essay includes an introduction summarizing what the graph shows, a body that describes the details of the data, and a conclusion that summarizes the main trends or findings.
task response
Improve accuracy by avoiding numerical inaccuracies - the task does not mention averages up to 50%, and ensuring all data comparisons are explicitly tied to the figures given in the table.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to better organize the essay and make the relationship between ideas clearer.
task response
Provide specific examples and comparisons directly from the data. For instance, describe the actual percentages in certain years and how they change over time.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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