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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in new Zealand between 1901 and 2101

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in new Zealand between 1901 and 2101
#information #changes #birth #death #rates #zealand
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The
linegraph
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line graph
 demonstrates a statistic about the
birth
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 and
death
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 rates in dynamic throughout a period from 1901 and 2101 in New Zealand. It is evident from the data that both the
birth
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 and
death
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 rates grew,
moreover
Linking Words
, there was a peak
of
Change preposition
in
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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children's
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birth
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 in a period
around
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between
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 1965 and 1970.
Overall
Linking Words
, from 1901 until 1921 was a stable increase in both rates,
Linking Words
however
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however,
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 1921 witnessed a local peak of the
death
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rate
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,
while
Linking Words
 the
birth
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rate
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fall
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fell
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.
After
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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 the
death
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rate
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 steadily inclined with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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small fluctuations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
death
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rate
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 even expected to increase
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
even
Correct article usage
an even
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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faster tempo, but in 2050 it is predicted to stop increasing and remain approximately at the same point. It is interesting to note that, the
birth
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rate
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 had a more unstable dynamic. There was a dramatic
grow
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growth
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 starting from 1941 until 1961, followed by a peak in 1961.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 numbers fluctuated. The
birth
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rate
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 is projected to slowly
deacrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
.
Submitted by dyussenovaanel on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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