IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development?

#world #shop #work #people #internet #contact #development
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These
dayes
Correct your spelling
days
, it
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 easy to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 anything through the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 even
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 or
making
Verb problem
doing
show examples
 a
busniness
Correct your spelling
business
 without any
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
.It has
advanteges
Correct your spelling
advantages
 and
disadvanteges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
.I will discuss
this
Linking Words
 in detail in my essay below.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in modern
life
Use synonyms
scince
Correct your spelling
science
sciences
since
 has expanded and communication via the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 has become more than face-to-face.
Also
Linking Words
, there are many applications for purchasing online.
hence
Linking Words
, these
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 them introverts, and
also
Linking Words
affeccting
Correct your spelling
affecting
 on their healthy lives.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 teacher in
Correct article usage
an optemetry
show examples
optemetry
Correct your spelling
optometry
 clinic in Germany said that
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are European-study appeared the result that suffering from visual
impairement
Correct your spelling
impairment
impairments
 increased
50
Change preposition
by 50
show examples
% in every generation.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
 negatively on families.It is bringing a gab and families
disapersed
Correct your spelling
dispersed
disappeared
, everyone is busy with privet
life
Use synonyms
 inside their mobile
whatching
Correct your spelling
watching
 video,
plaing
Correct your spelling
playing
 games, and
also
Linking Words
 attractive with people on the
internet
Use synonyms
.Boring and laziness are a part of their
life
Use synonyms
. on the other side, contacting
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the world online, and shopping proves
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 it is time-saving. It is helpful for people who do not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time, and for
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
, it is easier to
moves
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 from one section to another inside the application at the same time.
Such
Linking Words
 as choosing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 dress and
moves
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 directly to the home decoration,
while
Linking Words
 yore
relaxing
Wrong verb form
relax
show examples
 on your
safa
Correct your spelling
sofa
 and
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
 coffee with your family.
In addition
Linking Words
, students who
studies
Change the verb form
study
show examples
in another country can contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their parents easily and without any
complecated
Correct your spelling
complaints
, and
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
 like they are there so it does not seem that they are far away from them. In conclusion, the
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
 of the
internet
Use synonyms
 on our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 remarkable.
Howover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, I believe that the
internet
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important things in our daily
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.We should use it moderately.
Submitted by Amredugo on

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structure
Your essay structure needs improvement. A clear introduction stating your opinion, well-organized body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion should be included.
cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more cohesively. Use linking words and phrases to make your essay flow better.
grammar
Pay attention to spelling and grammar. Frequent errors can make your essay hard to understand.
content
Include more specific examples and explanations to support your points. Ensure these examples are directly related to the question prompt.
task response
Ensure your essay directly addresses the task. Discuss both sides of the argument clearly and provide a balanced view before giving your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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