It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
The world is experiencing a hike in
humans
population over the many years. Change the noun form
human
This
trend might be experienced an imbalanced proportion of grey-aged where old people
would surpass the young people
. In my opinion, this
scenario is a negative development for overall
society.
To begin
with, having higher
number of old aged would lead Add an article
a higher
lacking
of Change the verb form
to a lack
advanced
and Correct article usage
an advanced
tech- savvy
workforce. Undoubtedly , young's are not only Correct your spelling
tech-savvy
physical
fit for all kinds of jobs but Change the word
physically
also
they are more sophisticated to
learn new Rephrase
enough to
skill
and technology. In Fix the agreement mistake
skills
this
stiff competition, having advanced and fit employees or Fix the agreement mistake
employers
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
have
become Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Correct article usage
a demand
demand
for Correct article usage
a demand
Replace the word
development
developing
.Replace the word
development
However
old aged would be unable to performs
various Change the verb
perform
job related
tasks. Whether they would take Add a hyphen
job-related
long
time to do Change the article
a long
job
or they would need assistance frequently.Unfortunately, Correct pronoun usage
their job
the
both ways would Remove the article
apply
leads
Change the verb form
lead
higher
workforce costs.Change preposition
to higher
Therefore
, nation
either have to pay more for Fix the agreement mistake
nations
workforce
or would have insufficient labour which takes longer time to perform duties.
Add an article
the workforce
Moreover
,older people
are considered an asset of
a nation . Change preposition
to
Government
have obligations to Add an article
The government
lunch
various schemes for Correct your spelling
launch
welfare
of their gray-aged.It is common that aged Add an article
the welfare
people
need medical facilities more often than others.Therefore
, there would be a huge fund required to facilitate gray
society.Change the spelling
grey
Consequently
, other imperative sector
Change the wording
another imperative sector
other imperative sectors
such
as education, employment, research and development sectors could be ignored due to
lack of sufficient funds.Apart from
this
, authorities would also
be needed
to expand their pension plan as per population. Wrong verb form
need
In
present, Japan has spent 40 Change preposition
At
percent
of their fund on medical and pension Change the spelling
per cent
plan
for Fix the agreement mistake
plans
old
Correct article usage
the old
aged
.
Change the form of the verb
age
To conclude
, although
,
gray society Remove the comma
apply
bring
an experience for upcoming generations, massive inequality in number of population of Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
this
aged
group Replace the word
age
put
a negative impact on Verb problem
has
development
and growth of a particular nation.Correct article usage
the development
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task achievement
Develop a clearer introduction with a more explicit thesis statement. Clarify whether you believe the dominance of older people is positive or negative earlier in the essay.
coherence cohesion
More clearly structured paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main idea at the beginning can enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific, relevant examples and data where possible to create a more compelling argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation to improve the readability of the essay.
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