IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people think that poverty is the reason for most crimes.Do you agree or disagree?

#people #poverty #reason #crimes
Poverty could not be
cause
Correct article usage
a cause
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 crime.It depends on personality. I absolutely disagree with
this
 statement. Billions of
people
 around the world live in extreme
property
Correct your spelling
poverty
show examples
. Nearly 1 out of every 10
people
 in the world lives below the international poverty line. Most of the
people
 I know are poor,but they are not criminals. Every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 might be poor,
when
Correct word choice
but when
show examples
 they work hard honestly they will be rich men. Criminals are not poor, they are lazy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they choose
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
show examples
 way of life. Intelligent
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 choose honest work and they will be wealthy. Honest
people
 live in their
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
 homes, but lazy
people
 live in prison. Poor
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 can work and they will not be a criminal. If the person is disabled, he is not a criminal, because he can beggar on the street or he might ask
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
someone for aid and generous
people
 can help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
him. Generally, crime ends in evil. Every
people
 should try to live for themselves. Living off someone else's money can lead to jail time. You might exit in jail time. You might exit in jail but hell is forever.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Task Achievement
To improve task response, make sure to fully address the question prompt. The essay somewhat disagrees with the statement but it may lack a clear thesis statement and subsequent paragraphs that thoroughly argue the point with detailed reasons and appropriate examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and connect ideas smoothly with a range of cohesive devices. The essay needs to have a clear logical progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
In your essay, ensure you explain your main points with specific examples. The provided examples are not very specific and do not strongly support the argument against the initial statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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