Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done?
With an ever-increasing concern about maintaining good health, the engagement in unhealthy
activities
among the public becomes an issue to be solved. This
essay, therefore
, will convey some causes and potential solutions to be implemented.
To begin
with, one of the primary reasons for engaging in unhealthy activities
is the desire of the public to be involved in the newest trend. From the perspectives of youth, they easily get affected by societal views among peers and influenced by celebrities. Given the lack of knowledge of how celebrities maintain their health while
they eat junk food and not exercising on the screen, youth get to engage in unhealthy activities
to look like them.
Furthermore
, the most fundamental reason for not engaging in healthy activities
is the lack of time. In other words
, the lack of provision of time with over workloads has been putting the
Correct article usage
apply
individuals
in an inevitable situation where the individuals
feel difficulty managing the balance between work and their physical wellbeing
. In terms of adults, Correct your spelling
well-being
due to
the high level of stress from work, often suffer from insomnia and become lethargic which leads them to be not motivated for extra physical activities
.
In spite of the reasons mentioned above, there are potential measures that can be taken to alleviate this
issue. Firstly
, if the government increases a campaign to implement the side effects of unhealthy activities
run by celebrities will inspire the young generations to rethink unhealthy activities
. Moreover
, allocating the
tax benefits to the companies Correct article usage
apply
where
Correct word choice
that
providing
shorter work hours and programs for worker’s well-being will bring invisible competition among companies and can yield healthy outcomes for the entire society.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
provide
individuals
are engaging in unhealthy activities
with the recognition of their actions. Nevertheless
, I believe that all the relevant parties such
as individuals
USE SYNONYMS
womanhuman beingentitypersonchildpartyman
It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
and institutions should be involved and participate in those agendas more actively and personally for long-term changes.Submitted by rachael0124 on
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task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. However, ensure that all portions of your ideas are fully expanded and include detailed explanations or relevant examples. For instance, you might provide more specific examples of celebrities and their impact on youth.
coherence cohesion
While the overall logical structure is sound, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Using transition words consistently could enhance the flow.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the problem and sets the stage for the ensuing discussion.
task achievement
You have a strong conclusion summarizing the main points effectively and suggesting that all parties should be actively involved for long-term changes.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with distinct sections, making it easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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