In many countries, children in remote villages and communities have no access to education. some people believe that the best solution will be provide teacher and schools. others think that providing computer and internet in these areas will be a better solution. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Many
children
who live in remote areas
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
have been lagged behind the proper education system.
Hence
,
while
some people argue that it is the best solution
providing
Change the verb form
to provide
show examples
teachers
, others contend that
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
is important
providing
Wrong verb form
to provide
show examples
useful tools for learning
such
as free
internet
and computers. In my view, the right solution for the issue would be providing
teachers
and
schools
. If the government provides free
internet
and computers to all students in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, it would give them many
oportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
to learn things via online platforms and video classes. Most importantly, they would not be isolated from others.
As
Change preposition
By
show examples
using these devices, they will gain more friends through social
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
,
exhanging
Correct your spelling
exchanging
their experiences and cultures, making them feel not lonely.
Evenmore
Correct your spelling
Even more
, they become able to connect
children
Change preposition
with children
show examples
who live in
other part
Change the wording
another part
other parts
show examples
of the world, helping them improve
language
Correct pronoun usage
their language
show examples
skills.
For example
, in my country, governments provided laptops to each
pupils
Change to a singular noun
pupil
show examples
in primary
schools
in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, which resulted in
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
of
English
Correct article usage
the English
show examples
language in many of them.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, it is vital to provide
schools
and
teachers
, which has far more benefits than providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological
assisstance
Correct your spelling
assistance
.
Main
Add an article
The main
show examples
reason is that the
internet
generates a
lof
Correct your spelling
lot
show examples
of unnecessary information. Most
children
have no capability to generate a bunch of information, making them less concentrated
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
learning. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrast, in the school environment, students will become more disciplined under the
teachers
' direction.
Moreover
, playing with peers in the school
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
them more physically healthier, and less stressful. In conclusion, I believe that providing
teachers
and
schools
is more crucial than simply giving free access to the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
and computers for the
children
in regional
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Submitted by agiiotgon1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure is present throughout the essay. This can be achieved by expanding your introduction to include a thesis statement that outlines the two views and your opinion. Also, work towards creating clear paragraph divisions, with each paragraph focusing on a single main point.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, extend your main points with more detailed explanations and incorporate a wider range of relevant examples. Also, strive to fully address all parts of the task by discussing the two views equally and providing a more detailed justification for your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: