IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Office Survey Your company would like to find out better uses for their extra space. They are undecided between creating a fitness area or a leisure swimming pool Choose between options A and B. Why do you prefer your option? Explain the reasons for your choice, and write about 150-200 words.

#office #survey #company #space #fitness #area #leisure #pool #options #b #option #choice
I advocate for fitness
centers
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centres
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 as It would be greatly beneficial for
Physical
Correct article usage
the Physical
show examples
 well-being
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our
associates
along with
flexibility
Add an article
the flexibility
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 of
all day
Add a hyphen
all-day
show examples
 opening hours. Before all else, as you know, in our logistics company most of
associate
Add an article
the associate
show examples
 work in
office
Correct article usage
an office
show examples
 and/or hybrid work model,
hence
 by building
fitness
Correct article usage
a fitness
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 would significantly enhance
physical
Add an article
the physical
show examples
 health of our
associate
Fix the agreement mistake
associates
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;
for instance
, typically
I
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 after all day working hard on
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 I would prefer to do some physical activities to stretch my body and other
associates
 I think feeling same way.
Thus
,
this
 fitness
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 would give that amazing opportunity to our employees.
Furthermore
, since the gym will be in our office premises and open all day, it would not only offer convenience to go to the gym
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 flexibility to visit any time and lift some weight, which would be the most promising feature of the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
. Comparatively, Even though the swimming pool has a hot tub
as well as
 a jacuzzi for relaxation, Its limited opening hours would not be in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of many of our
associates
. Considering physical health
along with
convenience
Correct article usage
the convenience
show examples
 and flexibility offered by
Gym
Correct article usage
the Gym
show examples
; I firmly believe that It should be open for our
associates
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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introduction
Ensure the essay begins with a clear introductory statement that outlines the choice you are advocating for and briefly mentions the reasons you will discuss.
conclusion
Improve the conclusion by summarizing the main points and reinforcing the argument made, ensuring a clear and decisive stance in support of the choice.
coherence
Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively, ensuring a smoother flow and connection between points.
development
Develop main points with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the argument and add depth to the discussion.
task response
Try to clearly answer all parts of the question, ensuring that the response is comprehensive and addresses the prompt fully.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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