IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart belows shows what anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree courses. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologist in work after five years

The chart belows shows what anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree courses. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologist in work after five years
#belows #anthropology #graduates #university #courses #salaries #anthropologist #work #five #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The charts provide information on the occupation destination taken by
anthrophology
Correct your spelling
anthropology
alumnies
Correct your spelling
calumnies
alumni
 and how much they make in
work
Use synonyms
 after five years.
Overall
Linking Words
, more than half of the
graduates student
Fix the agreement mistake
graduate students
show examples
 worked as full-time
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
while
Linking Words
 some of them worked as
Use synonyms
part-timer
Fix the agreement mistake
part-timers
show examples
,
Use synonyms
part-timer
Fix the agreement mistake
part-timers
show examples
 plus post
graduated
Correct your spelling
post-graduates
show examples
study
Use synonyms
, full-timer postgrad
study
Use synonyms
 and
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
 worked unknown or unemployed.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
highest income
coming
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 from
they
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who worked in
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 sector, followed by freelance consultants and
they
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who worked in private companies. One
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
features
Change to a singular noun
feature
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 data is
graduated
Correct word choice
that graduated
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 mostly
choosed
Correct your spelling
chose
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 as permanent staff, 52%.
While
Linking Words
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of the remaining
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 decided to
work
Use synonyms
 as
Use synonyms
part-timer
Replace the word
part-time
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
.
Other
Correct article usage
The other
show examples
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 decided to not
work
Use synonyms
. 8% decided to be full-time
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 with
post graduated
Correct your spelling
post-graduate
show examples
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and
uindentified
Correct your spelling
unindentified
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. And 5% remaining worked as
part-timer
Use synonyms
 postgrad
study
Use synonyms
. In regards to the income after five years
working
Change preposition
of working
show examples
, the ones who worked in
principal
Add an article
the principal
show examples
 sector are the dominant player who
achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
 the highest income among the three of
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
. Followed by 40% freelance
consultant
Fix the agreement mistake
consultants
show examples
 and 30% who worked in private companies.
Submitted by meilyfransiska on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, part-timer, study with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: