The chart belows shows what anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree courses. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologist in work after five years

The chart belows shows what anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree courses. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologist in work after five years
The charts provide information on the occupation destination taken by
anthrophology
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anthropology
alumnies
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calumnies
alumni
and how much they make in
work
after five years.
Overall
, more than half of the
graduates student
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graduate students
show examples
worked as full-time
worker
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workers
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while
some of them worked as
part-timer
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part-timers
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,
part-timer
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part-timers
show examples
plus post
graduated
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post-graduates
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study
, full-timer postgrad
study
and
remaining
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the remaining
show examples
worked unknown or unemployed.
In addition
, the
most
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apply
show examples
highest income
coming
Wrong verb form
came
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from
they
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those
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who worked in
government
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the government
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sector, followed by freelance consultants and
they
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those
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who worked in private companies. One
noticable
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noticeable
notable
features
Change to a singular noun
feature
show examples
in
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of
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this
data is
graduated
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that graduated
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student
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students
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mostly
choosed
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chose
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to
work
as permanent staff, 52%.
While
one third
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one-third
show examples
of the remaining
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
decided to
work
as
part-timer
Replace the word
part-time
show examples
worker
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workers
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.
Other
Correct article usage
The other
show examples
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
decided to not
work
. 8% decided to be full-time
worker
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workers
show examples
with
post graduated
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post-graduate
show examples
study
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studies
show examples
and
uindentified
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unindentified
job
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jobs
show examples
. And 5% remaining worked as
part-timer
postgrad
study
. In regards to the income after five years
working
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of working
show examples
, the ones who worked in
principal
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the principal
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sector are the dominant player who
achived
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achieved
the highest income among the three of
employement
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employment
. Followed by 40% freelance
consultant
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consultants
show examples
and 30% who worked in private companies.
Submitted by meilyfransiska on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, part-timer, study with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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