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Band 3

In today's world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#world #companies #government #conduct #research
There is a controversial conception over private corporations
deprive
Wrong verb form
depriving
show examples
 the
government
 budget for and
operate
Wrong verb form
operating
show examples
 most scientific experiments for the time being.
This
 phenomenon has both pros and cons,
however
 its advantage cannot overshadow its counterpart. Without a shadow of a doubt, private enterprises run most research on science
instead
 of the
government
 in
this
 day and age. Because it will be less money spent by the
government
 when private firms take over scientific works.
Moreover
, the environmental resources will be harmless.
Hence
, it relatively brings positive impacts when private companies take charge of doing scientific experiments.
While
 the redeeming feature of private firms taking over scientific research
instead
 of the national budget is widely acknowledged, its drawback still lingers.
Because when
Correct word choice
When
show examples
 private enterprises
operate
Verb problem
conduct
show examples
 scientific studies, some companies will not do them under supervision and they can sell them
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others
such
 as criminals who take the research to do cruel things to society.
Thus
, letting private businesses run scientific experiments still has
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 consequences
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 society. In conclusion, the downsides of letting private corporations do the science rather than the
government
 money may outweigh its upsides.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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coherence cohesion
Develop your essay with a clearer logical structure. Use sequential paragraphs and transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly from the introduction through to the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure both the introduction and conclusion are clear and present. While they are included, they could be more fully developed to effectively frame your essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed explanations, evidence or examples. The use of generalized statements can be improved with specific examples or data.
task achievement
To fully address the task, explore both sides of the argument clearly and provide a more balanced view before stating your position conclusively.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your main ideas more comprehensively. Rather than making broad statements, delve deeper into the hows and whys of the argument.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your points. Avoid hypothetical scenarios, and instead use concrete evidence or research to back up your statements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific research
  • private sector
  • government funding
  • technological innovation
  • competitive nature
  • profitable outcomes
  • conflict of interest
  • corporate bias
  • economic stimulation
  • public interest
  • non-profitable
  • public welfare
  • commercial applications
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