IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

TV is harmful for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#tv #children
Television is considered as one of the most important entertainment devices for all the families. It has a massive negative impact on the lives of
kids
 at a young
age
. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate more on how children are
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
affected by
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
electronic
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 in their growing period.
To begin
 with, there are an enormous amount of reasons why TV sets are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 juveniles and the prominent one is vision problems. At a young
age
,
kids
 are spending ample amounts of time on screens which directly affects their eyesight in the form of myopia.
As a result
, sometimes they need surgery or glasses in the coming time to maintain their vision.
Secondly
, poor academic performance is another cause behind
this
 detrimental issue. Nowadays,
due to
 increasing numbers of channels on TV attracting more
kids
 which
further
 forces them to ignore everything for the sake of entertainment series or movies.
For example
, the
kids
 stay up late at night for their favourite shows
due to
 which they fall asleep in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class the next morning and they are not able to concentrate on their studies.
Moreover
, sometimes they harm themselves
as well as
 others when they watch action movies in which characters are killed by guns or knives.
However
, there are a variety of channels which might be useful for them in the form of brain development, learning new skills and so on. So, parents should guide their
kids
 at a young
age
. In conclusion,
although
 television has a lot of benefits for teenagers, the immature mind always absorbs negative things faster than positive ones.So, I believe children should avoid television at a young
age
 as there are other things to do.
Submitted by sunnygarg710 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that you provide a clear structure to your essay with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Give a clear position throughout the essay and fully respond to the question. Make sure that you develop your main points with specific examples and explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: