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Writing Samples /
Band 5

You live in a room in the college hostel which has severe problems. You would like to move into another room and need your hostel super's permission for that. Write a letter to the hostel super. In your letter, introduce yourself describe the problems explain what type of room you would prefer

#room #college #hostel #move #permission #type
Dear mam, My name is Fency Stanly,
Bsc
Correct your spelling
BSc
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. Nursing 2014-2018 batch, in
this
 hostel. And my
room
 is 308 with 4 other students in another department. I am writing
this
 letter
you
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to you
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 to complain about my
room mates
Correct your spelling
roommates
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 and need
an
Remove the article
apply
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another
room
 for me. I Am a 3rd year nursing student and I have night and day
shift
Correct subject-verb agreement
shifts
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 at the hospital more than theory classes. My
room mates
Correct your spelling
roommates
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are
Verb problem
do
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 not consider my situation and they are gathered with friends and disturb my sleep. It is affecting my shift and studies.
Also
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Also,
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 they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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took their food materials into the
room
 from the mess and
spill
Wrong verb form
spilt
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 over
here
Correct your spelling
there
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. They are not keeping the
room
 clean and tidy. I
am
Verb problem
would
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 prefer to shift to
an
Remove the article
apply
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another
room
 with nursing students. They can only understand my situation. I am aware that there is
vacant
Add an article
a vacant
the vacant
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 bed in
room
 200 with my friends. If you don’t mind I will transfer my all belongings to that
room
. Kindly accept my request and do the needful Faithfully
Submitted by fspt1234 on

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Greeting and Closing
Ensure your letter has a clear opening and closing. In this case, your greeting could be more formal ('Dear Hostel Superintendent,'), and your closing could be improved by using a standard phrase such as 'Yours sincerely' followed by your full name.
Single Idea per Paragraph
Maintain a single idea per paragraph. Separate descriptions of different issues into distinct paragraphs for clarity. Additionally, explain your situation in a logically ordered manner, and support your preference with clear reasons.
Complete Response
Complete the task by addressing all points in the prompt. You introduced yourself, described the problems, and explained your preferred type of room; however, provide more details about the specific issues and how they affect you. Offer solutions or alternatives to enhance your response.
Suitable Writing Tone
Use a suitable and consistent tone throughout your letter. Avoid informal terms when addressing authority figures. Maintain a formal tone, and choose your words carefully to convey respect and politeness.
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