IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people shay that advertising has positive economic effects, others think is has negative social effects because it will make people feel dissatisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #shay #effects
While
 some people argue that advertising has many merits
such
 as
accelarating
Correct your spelling
accelerating
 businesses' income, others say that it has many detrimental issues that lead to impulsive purchases and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 people dissatisfied themselves. On the one hand, advertising is a main tool for businesses, making their new products and services more
familier
Correct your spelling
familiar
families
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 customers.
In contrast
, consumers find easily things,that can be useful for daily necessities, via advertisements on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV's
Change noun form
TV
show examples
,
newspapers
Change preposition
in newspapers
show examples
 and
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 advertising materials.
Submitted by agiiotgon1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
It appears that this essay is incomplete. To begin with, ensure that you complete the essay with an introduction, at least two body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. This structure is essential for achieving a high score in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
There's a lack of a clear introduction that outlines the discussion of both views and a thesis statement that presents your own opinion. This introduction is vital as it sets the stage for the reader to understand the context of the essay.
task achievement
There is an absence of specific examples that support the positive and negative effects of advertising. Adding relevant examples strengthens the argument and provides clarity for your points, enhancing your task achievement score.
task achievement
The essay needs to thoroughly discuss both sides of the argument to fully meet the task response criteria. It should also conclude with your own opinion to meet the requirements of the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: